Friday, May 22, 2020

Valley Girl 2020

who tf was asking for a musical remake of valley girl? nic cage is damn near perfect in the original & idk who this new guy is but i doubt he can fill those shoes. he has hair like the dude from nickelback & is dressed like its 2004, nowhere near punk, new wave, or 1980s so i'm already skeptical.

do we really need it framed that she's telling this story to her daughter? who cares about this annoying child? lets get to the sangin' & dancin'! ive always found alicia silverstone to be annoying when not playing cher so hopefully her scenes are very short. all of this reminds me that i STILL havent seen rock of ages. idk why but most post 1960s musicals are just so bad to me, like everybody stopped caring about writing good songs for them once musicals stopped being popular.hairspray is one of my favorite movies yet the remake was just ok(i forgot i even saw it, it was so bland).

mandy moore did the choreography. what tf does mandy moore know about dancing? has she ever danced? how did i miss that? was i in the bathroom? why is tptb trying to make logan paul a thing? i feel like i'm going to be asking a lot of questions for this movie.

i get why they added a fat white girl to the preppy group but i doubt that wouldve really happened in the 1980s. fat people then were (at best) the punchline, not in the popular cliques. i dont understand why they set it in the 80s yet nobodys hair/makeup/outfits are 80s. wearing a normal dress & then putting on ankle socks doesnt make it 1980s. you can tell they spent a lot of money but its annoying(like 1950s movies set in other periods but the costumes scream out "1950s trends").

white mediocrity strikes again! logan paul has a face like a foot but he was cast as the hot popular guy. they go to a costume party & this is the only time they are in actual 1980s style clothing. :-(

they used all the original footage of them cruising down hollywood & it doesnt match the new film at all,the film stock/colors are different & the people are actually wearing 1980s clothes.i was wondering how they would handle that since the sunset strip looks so much different now.stuff like that only works if you are filming in black & white & the wardrobe people know what they are doing.

all these actors are so charisma free and bland.the singing is good enough, the dancing is ok, but its like a disney channel type movie. re-watching the original, i was shocked at all the nudity & grittiness(did i forget or was i watching edited for tv version as a child?).

this is where i sleep,then go buy four lokos. now i am drunk enough to watch this mess.

a small lol when randy starts playing "crazy for you" & a random extra boos.i know those feels, random extra. this is the only time that ive laughed watching this movie so it also made me :-(. plus its slightly gross knowing the annoying daughter is the same girl leo has been grooming since a child to fvck. anyhoo.

they use a LOT of modern slang, absolutely no white person in the 1980s was saying "its all good" or chill.they really shouldve just made this a "modern" movie with a different title because this isnt even the plot of the original. its like this movie is never going to end. 1 more hour :-(

were teenage girls in the 1980s still lusting after shaun cassidy? i dont think so. of course theres a sandy-like scene where she turns punk instead of him getting into her hobbies/interests.........

how old is randy supposed to be? he is living alone, has no job, & doesnt go to school but is dating a teenage girl.........

it looks like her dads fake mustache is going to fall off at any moment & randy has late 1990s gavin rossdale hair.i feel like whoever made this movie really hates us.i'm so drunk my head is starting to hurt & its still almost an hour before this ends...........

i like how everybody is getting crunk to the safety dance. we need to bring that back.

i took a 4 hour break. 40 more minutes to go............

the prom scene is dumb, doesnt make any sense, & does not include "johnny are you queer?". i would be pissed if i wrote "i melt with you" & a stupid movie character took credit for it. i hope they paid that band well.i have very few regrets in life but seeing this movie is one of them..........


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