Friday, April 19, 2019

Lipstick on Your Collar

i dont know how i missed Lipstick on Your Collar & yet here we are. ewan mcgregor is so beyond fine that even if the plot is stupid & singing bad, these next 6 hours will be worth it.

eh, this is a "jukebox musical" & all the songs are just the 1950s originals lip synced by randoms.4 minutes in & my head is already starting to hurt.this may have been a mistake. every 2 minutes they "sing" a different song & none of them really help tell the story through the lyrics. 17 minutes in & there is this "joke".

"what do you call those little black things in between an elephants toes?"
"slow n!ggers"

this was originally a tv movie. i can see why i've never heard of this before now. another "joke" was the same character literally repeating the word bumholes 100 times. some white man actually got paid to write this garbage.

it isnt funny at all & the author is obsessed with pee/poop/butt jokes. no reason in the world why this story needs to be told in 6 hours.i love to watch ewan dance but its not worth it to waste 6 hours full of racism, bad acting, & unfunny jokes.

Friday, April 5, 2019


i was SUPER excited when i first heard of fosse/verdon. the costumes are amazing & sam rockwell is so underrated but it was missing something(what that something is, i dont know).

the casting was off.the liza minnelli(Kelli Barrett) didnt look or act like liza but if that was her singing voice definitely sounded like her. in order to really get into this show you need to know the history. they dont really say characters names or the names of the projects so you will have no idea what they are talking about(i've seen 90% of these movies & i was still lost).i cannot stand michelle williams but she was pretty good & sounds exactly like gwen.

it might as well have been called "the bob fosse show" because the first episode was all about him & his childhood.i guess gwen verdon was born fully formed on a clam shell? hopefully the rest of the season we will see more of her & less of his horrible behavior

Sunday, February 24, 2019

oscars blind items

so this oscar nominated singer broke up with her man a while ago & is waiting until after the ceremony to go back to rehab. plebs think she is in love with her co star but i heard its actually his beard that she wants

that messy hoax might get a little messier.the "victim" didnt plan it alone,he had help from his ex lover, that oscar winning director

this oscar winner is pretty private about everything but his love of cocaine, crack cocaine, & anilingus. he abuses viagra & can rarely perform without it.i suspect he's gay but "going through the motions" for whatever reasons. he's usually fat in real life but loses weight for roles. fat drug addicts are always so weird to me

Monday, February 18, 2019

mrs messy & mr std

i told this story a billion years ago but i'll tell it again because this is my blog. lol.

anyhoo. i met this director & liked him a lot.we went out, he promised me a part in his new movie, & eventually he tried to rape me.he said that the only way i could be in the movie is if we had sex(of course we did not) then he replaced me with a woman who is now instagram famous(i wonder if she got his incurable std?).

years later i watched that movie & it was one of the worst i had ever seen. i completely blocked out all of this until today when i found out that one of her more famous "friends" was ALSO in this movie & now the media is trying to shame her for that(too bad they dont know the full story).i'm a little tempted to watch it again to see if it was pre nose job.

TMZ* it would be great of y'all would stop stealing my stories. pay me what you owe me

* & other gossip blogs

Tuesday, January 29, 2019

"poc solidarity": asian edition

so i was talking to an american born asian man who grew up in los angeles.he told me that he couldnt understand how trump was elected plus arguing racism was nonexistent in the north until trump.

let that sink in

usually i hear only white people telling that lie so it took me a while to recover from the shock.i told him that as a minority the fact that we are surrounded by racists* should not be new news. of course he defended them(dont all buffer races?) & that made me sad/tired. its 2019 & i really should not have to explain white supremacy at this point.

* a little detour while i elaborate on the part in pink before the #notallwhites start emailing me: if you uphold white supremacy in any way, you are a racist. the end.

anyway so i calmly explained how in the south people would call me a n!gger to my face & in the north they would wait for me to leave the room.i told him about how in ww2 californians decided to put their american born japanese neighbors in concentration camps(of course, he had no idea that happened).funny enough texas has a HUGE population of germans yet i'm 99% sure there was no american concentration camp for them. he had no reply to that & its fine.i really do need less stupid people in my life.

Sunday, January 27, 2019

i am the night review

"i am the night" is basically the true story of fauna hodel & the man who may have killed the black dahlia. jefferson mays who plays dr george hodel is so funny in real life but super creepy in the role which shows how great an actor he is. it stars chris pine & india eisley(whose real life mother is olivia hussey ). i could have talked to the writer sam sheridan about the black dahlia murder all night long, he was so was one of the best screenings i've been to in years.

i HATE historical fiction but the show is really good & i cant wait to see the full season(starting tomorrow night on tnt)

Wednesday, January 9, 2019

the mistress of king midas

she is not much to look at but she is smarter than she looks.the first sucker believed her when she said she was on the pill until 9 months later.she moved on to the next when the baby daddy refused to pay more.she got engaged but unfortunately the fiance was black.she soon replaced him with a more acceptable white millionaire.

the mistress moved up in the world & was soon besties with the wife of king midas.of course, this was no accident. they would go on vacation together,the couples sometimes swapping beds & other times just sharing them. maybe mrs midas got sick of sharing or maybe she fell in love with her other side any case, she is now divorcing the king but i doubt he will marry the mistress.the only reason why you are hearing about it is because midas wanted to control the narrative before the newspapers are printed. the musical chairs could have gone on forever

Sunday, December 30, 2018

Somebody That I Used To Know

he was a beautiful boy when i knew him,full of fun, & never a care.i was attracted to him like a moth to a flame.his dad was a millionaire, they lived in a mansion,his after school job was being a professional model.i loved him as much as i could love back then but he is dead now.

after school, i'd wait in his corvette while he visited his parole officer.when he was 16 he asked me to marry him & said when he went off to college he'd hide me in his dorm room so his parents wouldnt find out. the modern day romeo & juliet. i ran away to hollywood instead & googled him every couple of years.he was in & out of prison.

i cant say that i am mourning, to be truthful its probably for the best.i'm guessing the cause of death was drugs,meth ruined his pretty face.i never said goodbye before leaving texas so i guess this is it

Tuesday, December 25, 2018

the godfather part 1, 2, & 3

i'm like 95% sure that i have not seen these movies before or maybe i did & they were so boring i blocked them out? either way here is a half assed review of all 3.i love francis ford coppola's movies like Bram Stoker's Dracula, Cotton Club, & Peggy Sue Got Married but i find gangster movies to be boring. the only one i can stand is Casino because sharon stone is such a well dressed baddie.

ok.lets get to it
the godfather #1 3 hours long,huh? this had better be good. 2 minutes in & i am already annoyed by marlon brando's stuffed cheek whisper voice.its weird how naturally good looking he was & how hard he fought against it(like johnny depp now).

i dont get it, is fredo supposed to be retarded? the wardrobe & hairstyles are really bad.very 1970s when i'm guessing its taking place in the 1950s? all those afros & disco makeup styles are distracting.i didnt even recognize diane keaton.whoever picked out that wig & shaved her eyebrows must have really hated her.

halfway through & i'm not seeing why this is considered such a classic.i get it was based off a best selling book but this is pretty boring & idgaf about any of these characters. all this anti black stuff isnt cute either. 3 hours & still could not come up with a better ending than that,huh?

part 2
its disturbing how they only call him "tom hagen" not just tom.the hair/costumes are much more authentic. am i supposed to know what is going on? i guess not.whatever. its annoying, all this italian dialog with no subtitles. i'd rather watch a movie starring fredos wife deanna than this although young al pacino is looking like a snack.

speaking of snacks, young robert deniro was a full meal.this movie is VERY boring. i'm loving this abortion monologue,too bad diane keaton never gets to play dramatic characters.she's basically an extra throughout the 1st movie until the last 40 minutes of the 2nd.again the ending sucked.i'm really regretting watching these movies.what a waste of time

part 3
ok so here's where it gets "good".hopefully this will be hamilton is such a fox,i wonder why he was never a bigger pacino's hair is too 1990s, the grey reminds me of christmas tree flocking,super distracting.its set in 1979 but all the hair/costumes are from 1987.good job? its weird he thought sofia coppola could be a movie star.without actual talent you need looks & she just doesnt have it(or enough charisma that you forget you are looking at an unattractive woman).i wonder why he would set his daughter up for failure like that.

this movie is so the diabetes scenes really necessary? as usual i have no idea what is happening or why.maybe that is for the best.i am bored & this opera scene is going on way too long. the end of mary may be one of the funniest things ive ever seen.

all 3 movies were SO boring & bad,i have no idea why the first 2 keep being put on best movie lists

Saturday, November 3, 2018

bohemian rhapsody

i was pretty excited when first i heard of sacha baron cohen starring in bohemian rhapsody.of course the reason why he isnt in it is because brian may wanted this movie about a gay icon to not have anything gay in is scrubbed & sanitized & very lame.

i hate to say that because rami malek is SUCH a snack & lord knows i love staring at his face.the freddie mercury fake teeth were a huge mistake, so distracting, & you couldnt understand some words due to them.he could barely close his mouth.i didnt care about queen/any of the characters & all of the actors were boring except rami.i cant recommend this unless you enjoy being bored :-)