Monday, June 29, 2020

lace miniseries 1985 part 2

the description in the listing: "In Lace, p0rno princess-turned-movie queen Lili (Phoebe Cates) embarked on a relentless quest to find the mother who had abandoned her in infancy. Now it's Daddy's turn. Cates and many of the original stars of Lace return to the opulent world of jets, jewels and heartbreak in Lace II.This time, Lili's mother is kidnapped by Southeast Asian guerillas and held for a million-dollar ransom - or else. Lili enlists the aid of her mother's school friends to hunt for her unknown father, hoping he can meet the ransom before the soldiers fulfill their deadly threat. Her only clue: her mother's book, a roman a clef with three different versions of who Lili's father may be. So many daddies, so little time!"

unfortunately(fortunately?) i read the wiki before i started watching & it said what the ending was for this one. phoebe stopped using that stupid accent so this is a bit better. lili asks her mom who her dad is & the mom gives her a book & tells her to read it(instead of just saying).i wonder if the people writing these scripts have ever had a real conversation before.

instead of just telling the rest of the story, they are going back to when she was pregnant & reshooting the old scenes with the new actress playing the mom :-(. i get that might have been needed pre internet but i just saw this story yesterday so its boring. despite saying that,this one is less slow than the 1st & i didnt have to stop it for hours at a time.

Monday, June 22, 2020

lace miniseries 1984 part 1

i have ALWAYS wanted to watch this but for some reason its never on tv & the dvds are hard to find. i ended up getting lace & part 2. i find it bizarre that Phoebe Cates would give up her career to scrub kevin klines skidmarks or that she'd be typecast as the girl next door, even though i loved "drop dead fred" as a child. i will let the listings description get you ready for this mess because i cannot.

"Beautiful, embittered Lili (Phoebe Cates) has clawed her way from p0rno princess to international film idol. She has money, fame, everything she wants - everything except revenge. Abandoned as a baby, Lili is determined to find, and destroy, her long-lost mother. She's narrowed the candidate list down to three former boarding-school friends, all of whom have gone on to exciting and privileged lives. And one of whom is about to be very, very sorry she left little Lili all those years ago. A starry cast sweeps through two and a half decades of exquisite excess in this high-fashion, high-drama, utterly delicious emotional wallow based on Shirley Conran's bestseller. Sharpen your claws."

ok, betches, lets go!

idk what kind of accent phoebe is trying to do but its not working. she gets out of the car & the peasants riot & act like theyve seen the beatles. people arent freaking out like that for p0rnstars now, so i doubt all those people wouldve known(or cared) who she was then. the moms are supposed to be teenagers in the beginning but they all look 35. of course, they cast a white guy wearing pancake as an arab. even in a film that doesnt have black people in it(i presume), y'all still cant leave out the racism,huh?

i love brooke adams but her "english" accent is a mess as well.its like they werent even trying. i'm getting really tired of these "he raped me & i loved it" tropes. phoebe's accent has changed from "french with mouth full of marbles" to generic mexican. she is too gorgeous for such nonsense.they really shouldve hired an accent(and acting) coach for them.

its too slow & not as messy or glamorous as i assumed it would be. phoebe stopped trying to the accent at all.the "arab" guy has dark makeup on his face but not his hands.this is depressing me.i didnt know it would be so much about the moms. idgaf about the moms.

so lili has sex with a boy who she knows could be her half brother & is planning to have sex with a man she knows may be her father. is this what white people consider revenge? seems more of a self drag to me.i get life was different in the 1980s but was incest less gross then? i'm just confused & i cant get into this at all.

i cant say that i regret watching this but i doubt i will watch it was just way too slow.

i will be reviewing lace part 2 next week

Sunday, June 14, 2020

to set the record straight

this will probably be the last time i bring this up. i've been getting a LOT of emails from randoms asking me to be on a certain podcast. that will never happen. now that the podcast has changed,i got an email from my "friend" asking me to be on it. that will never happen. to me, friends are people who are there for you not just when they need something.

so y'all can stop bothering me. its not going to happen. ever. find a new hobby to occupy your time

Saturday, May 30, 2020

blind item: that kinky movie star guy

this "happily" married patrician movie star "respects her too much" to ask his uptight white wife for bdsm but goes online for his kinks. he catfishes with fake pix on tinder to try out his knots on random black women.i guess his wife stopped going to the sex clubs with him for threesomes & now he's playing alone........

i'm not talking about christian grey(& unfortunately i'm not the one he had sex with............)

Wednesday, May 27, 2020

the customer is not always right: coronavirus edition

ive had to cancel about 8 orders this month(& close my etsy shop completely) due to rude buyers.i get people are stressed & its a weird time but guess what, EVERYBODY has been having a sh!tty 2020 so maybe relax before you email angrily about something that doesnt even matter. its not my fault the coronavirus has made a mess of the world & its certainly not my fault why you didnt read it before buying(a way too common problem).

i guess since the karens cant yell at shop people anymore, they moved their entitlement doesnt bother me at all cancelling an order to rude buyers. most of society just encourages them to act even worse.

Friday, May 22, 2020

Valley Girl 2020

who tf was asking for a musical remake of valley girl? nic cage is damn near perfect in the original & idk who this new guy is but i doubt he can fill those shoes. he has hair like the dude from nickelback & is dressed like its 2004, nowhere near punk, new wave, or 1980s so i'm already skeptical.

do we really need it framed that she's telling this story to her daughter? who cares about this annoying child? lets get to the sangin' & dancin'! ive always found alicia silverstone to be annoying when not playing cher so hopefully her scenes are very short. all of this reminds me that i STILL havent seen rock of ages. idk why but most post 1960s musicals are just so bad to me, like everybody stopped caring about writing good songs for them once musicals stopped being popular.hairspray is one of my favorite movies yet the remake was just ok(i forgot i even saw it, it was so bland).

mandy moore did the choreography. what tf does mandy moore know about dancing? has she ever danced? how did i miss that? was i in the bathroom? why is tptb trying to make logan paul a thing? i feel like i'm going to be asking a lot of questions for this movie.

i get why they added a fat white girl to the preppy group but i doubt that wouldve really happened in the 1980s. fat people then were (at best) the punchline, not in the popular cliques. i dont understand why they set it in the 80s yet nobodys hair/makeup/outfits are 80s. wearing a normal dress & then putting on ankle socks doesnt make it 1980s. you can tell they spent a lot of money but its annoying(like 1950s movies set in other periods but the costumes scream out "1950s trends").

white mediocrity strikes again! logan paul has a face like a foot but he was cast as the hot popular guy. they go to a costume party & this is the only time they are in actual 1980s style clothing. :-(

they used all the original footage of them cruising down hollywood & it doesnt match the new film at all,the film stock/colors are different & the people are actually wearing 1980s clothes.i was wondering how they would handle that since the sunset strip looks so much different now.stuff like that only works if you are filming in black & white & the wardrobe people know what they are doing.

all these actors are so charisma free and bland.the singing is good enough, the dancing is ok, but its like a disney channel type movie. re-watching the original, i was shocked at all the nudity & grittiness(did i forget or was i watching edited for tv version as a child?).

this is where i sleep,then go buy four lokos. now i am drunk enough to watch this mess.

a small lol when randy starts playing "crazy for you" & a random extra boos.i know those feels, random extra. this is the only time that ive laughed watching this movie so it also made me :-(. plus its slightly gross knowing the annoying daughter is the same girl leo has been grooming since a child to fvck. anyhoo.

they use a LOT of modern slang, absolutely no white person in the 1980s was saying "its all good" or chill.they really shouldve just made this a "modern" movie with a different title because this isnt even the plot of the original. its like this movie is never going to end. 1 more hour :-(

were teenage girls in the 1980s still lusting after shaun cassidy? i dont think so. of course theres a sandy-like scene where she turns punk instead of him getting into her hobbies/interests.........

how old is randy supposed to be? he is living alone, has no job, & doesnt go to school but is dating a teenage girl.........

it looks like her dads fake mustache is going to fall off at any moment & randy has late 1990s gavin rossdale hair.i feel like whoever made this movie really hates us.i'm so drunk my head is starting to hurt & its still almost an hour before this ends...........

i like how everybody is getting crunk to the safety dance. we need to bring that back.

i took a 4 hour break. 40 more minutes to go............

the prom scene is dumb, doesnt make any sense, & does not include "johnny are you queer?". i would be pissed if i wrote "i melt with you" & a stupid movie character took credit for it. i hope they paid that band well.i have very few regrets in life but seeing this movie is one of them..........

to finneas

dear finneas,

i am finally drunk enough to forgive you & we can be friends now. i blocked you & deleted your number so you will have to contact me

the D

Thursday, May 21, 2020

"The Dallas Show" starring Dallas Harrison! quarantine special with guest star Sookie Stackhouse

i know you didnt ask but i'll tell you anyway. :-) ive been spending the majority of my quarantine begging idiots to wear cute face masks , watching true blood for the 1st time, & waiting for fedex to deliver my very important package (spoiler alert, they kept it for months shuttling it to various locations, & never delivered it).

i find true blood to be pretty stupid but the guys are cute & look better naked(which they are in every episode).i'm shocked i didnt watch this sooner,its a VERY Dallas vibe.

it would be nice if i could say i spent this time relaxing, cooking, or reading the 40+ unread books i bought but i'm not a millionaire so work still needs to be done.

Sunday, May 17, 2020

the great 2020 miniseries

not even 4 minutes in & this may be the cutest show ive ever stars elle fanning whom i always felt was much superior to the lesser fanning.i despise historical fiction, but this is pretty funny. the catherine the great miniseries starring helen mirren was good but slightly boring.i wish they wouldve spaced these out more, there are plenty other interesting historical figures that couldve used a tv show by now.

anyways.i hope this show is mostly fictional,if not catherine should be sainted for not killing peter the first year they were married.i had no idea nicholas hoult was so funny,i forgot he was in my most recent favourite movie.i feel like i'm going to be saying "HUZZAH!" a lot this year.

blind item: that biracial singer with low self esteem

something about this "singer" always rubbed me the wrong way. biracials raised by white moms always turn out worse than ones raised by a black mom but it was more than that.this "singer" is VERY sexual, always half naked, showing off her unattractive shape. turns out she used to (still is?) doing free cam shows for men (inserting cucumbers in various orifices, scat shows, vomiting, etc) & enjoys it when white men call her the n-word. she got plastic surgery on multiple body parts because these men she was doing free sex shows were insulting her looks. after the surgeries they continued to call her ugly (while she continued camming).in her spare time, she was a member of a racist, anti black chatroom.

the men she entertained online are now trying to blackmail her with the p0rn she posted. she isnt drunk when she is live on her official pages, she is high off hard drugs.i cant say that i feel sorry for her