Saturday, September 5, 2020

mulan 1998 vs 2020 review

 i'm pretty sure i've never seen mulan.i hated childrens movies even as a child & i dont really fw disney. the grandma is the coolest character & mushu is annoying. i wonder if they asked eddie murphy to act like a stereotype or was that his idea? its a very cute story with a great theme but i wish there was more scenes of the women being treated less than before she became a soldier. idk how i feel about all the drag queens in this movie. was disney trying to tell us something?

in the new one, mulan has a sister instead of a talking dragon & a jewish grandma. her dads wig is john travolta level bad. it looks like its going to slide off if he moves too fast. i'm glad my girl li gong is playing a bad betch instead of the mom. this new mulan isnt super pretty but also doesnt look like a man. 

most of the men are wearing those horrible wigs.i know disney couldve afforded something better than that. plus the love interest isnt even attractive. who was asking for this? they spent a lot of time & effort & this remake isnt a better movie.if anything, its worse because its boring & there are no songs. disney has a LOT of nerve charging $30 for this mess.

Friday, August 28, 2020

friday fvckery: that time i had a date with the famous guy but had no idea he was famous

this happened a billion years ago & i am drunk off four lokos(as one does) so you will have to excuse me. :-)

anyhoo,i see this guy on a dating website & he says his name is "josh"(or something). josh is GORGEOUS & i have an invitation to a beachfront mansion party so i invite him as soon as we match.i normally do a background check before meeting strange men but i guess i must've skipped that due to time limits/hotness.

we meet up at his apt so he can drive us both to the mansion. his apt is in a VERY expensive part of town & before he's said something like he moved to la to take care of his dad & his dad moved in with him, etc.we get in his car & it super expensive & brand new. i assume the car/apt is actually his dads & he's lying(i live in hollywood & ive met plenty of young millionaires before so i have no idea why my first instinct was that his dad was the rich one).

i showed up at least an hour late & he was wearing clothes that looked like they had been slept in. his teeth were covered in "cheese" like he hadnt brushed them in a week.i shouldve left but we went to the party.he said about 5 words the entire time & i went home.

i had always wanted to see "canadian tv show"(not the name, obviously) & had it in my netflix queue for years.a week after the date,i decide i have time.turns out "josh" was the leads boyfriend on the show.i'm 98% sure he gave me a fake name & that was the actor i went out with.i disguised his name only because he isnt worth talking about, its just a funny story i remembered while drunk {insert shrug emoji}

Friday, August 21, 2020

forgotten tv show pilots: coming to america


coming to america is one of my favorite movies of all time & i'm way too excited for the sequel.its crazy wesley snipes auditioned for this role(& lost) but is now in "coming 2 america". i've never been a fan of tommy davidson so i can already see why fans would not want to watch this. he isnt funny & his impressions are lame. tommy blamed the failure on a white director/writer, the network showing it at night on july 4th, plus the fact that eddie murphy refused to help. it's a typical stupid sitcom with horrible accents & unfunny impressions every 5 minutes.i can see why eddie decided to let it flop vs it being a hit & overshadowing the movie.

Friday, August 7, 2020

forgotten tv shows: bill and ted's excellent adventures 1992

the year before this was made they had an animated version of bill and ted's excellent adventures & when that was cancelled they decided to make a live action version. why? i have no idea. i remember watching the cartoon & HATING it as a child but i had no idea this tv show existed before a couple of months ago.

its a remake of a remake. i can already tell this is going to be cringe & i should be drunk before starting. obviously keanu reeves & alex winter cannot be replaced(& these fug actors are pretty annoying with their exaggerated impressions) but i did laugh a couple of times. instead of going back into history, the phone book goes into fictional places & comic books(which is dumb & i can see why the show failed). you cant improve the original bill & ted's, hence why all the sequels/shows were bad. this was ok, not a complete waste of time

Monday, August 3, 2020

my rock of love charm school uniforms

this is the part of lockdown where i pretend to clean up. while said "cleaning up", i found my old rock of love charm school uniforms. i completely forgot i still had them. anyway so i'm posting them for sale on ebay & depop.i usually post new items on depop every friday & i have A LOT of stuff to post so keep checking back if you are looking for something in particular

Sunday, July 26, 2020

an olive branch

i didnt read this novel but you can.¯\_(ツ)_/¯ . i didnt care then & i dont care now. y'all can stop with the fake apologies, now


Re: An apology and extending an olive branch. Hi Dallas, I hope you're doing well. This is Lacey from Rock of Love. I'm probably the last person you want to hear from, but I want to take a moment to apologize to you, and extend an olive branch. I'm going to send this, and then write more to you...
As I said, I first would like to start out by giving you an apology. I know that I annoyed the crap out of you on the shows, and at times, really made you upset and angry. I want to take this moment to say "I'm sorry" to you, and to accept responsibility for any pain I have caused you. That was never my intention. I always thought you were, and are, a strong, confident, and "bad ass" woman. When I was on the Vh1 shows, I was very much intentionally playing the "villain" character, with encouragement from the producers. I knew it would get me far in the game (on both shows), and I knew it would make for funny, entertaining television. The reason I chose people like you and Jes to give "a hard time" to, was because I knew that each of you were strong women who could handle it, and could handle me. I knew you were tough and confident, and I knew that of the two of us, I was going to come across as the "bad guy".
Your name has come up quite a few times on the podcast, and I will let you know that nothing bad was ever said about you. If anything, I describe you as being "an incredible adversary" to me. You were such an iconic character, and an integral part of those shows! Not only do I think that, but the fans are well aware of it, too. Fans of the Vh1 shows and fans of the podcast keep asking over and over, "When's Dallas coming on?" You are really important to a LOT of people.... maybe more than you even know.(?)
I was hoping, at the very least, I can talk to you over the phone, so that I can give you a proper apology, (apologizing over text is cheap). I also want to listen to what you have to say to me with an open mind. My hope is that maybe enough time has passed and that maybe you and I can mend this, and hopefully be on friendly terms... or at least be cordial.
The energy and vibe of the podcast is very different from that on Rock of Love. On the podcast, it is all about positivity. If you have your doubts, then I invite you to ask Sam, Brandi M, and Big John about their experiences on the podcast. It is important to me that everyone comes across in the best light possible, because I feel that it is a direct reflection on me, and on the podcast. The fans of the podcast are incredibly kind as well, to all of my guests. My guests are welcome to promote any projects, charities, products, etc, that they may be working on, and each episode of the podcast averages over 10,000 views.
I would love to have you on, as a guest, if you would be open to it. But first, at the very least, I am hoping you will allow me to call you on the phone, so that I can listen to anything that you have to say to me, and apologize for hurting or angering you. I do think you're a good woman. I mean that. I don't reach out like this, to people who I don't respect, and I do have respect for you.
Thanks so much for reading this. I appreciate your time.
I wish you all the best, Lacey Sculls
Jul 15, 2020, 7:32 PM
❤ I hope you see this. ❤

eta: to all the racists in my inbox How the concept of forgiveness is used to gaslight women. you can also replace the word women with "black people" & it still works.i was going to write a separate post about that but most racists are too dumb to even understand it

Wednesday, July 22, 2020

brave new world

i read this book years ago & i dont remember the exact plot but i do remember how creepy he predicted our "sex positive" future. sex positive is in quotes because nsa promiscuity only benefits men but thats a conversation for another day.

i LOVE jessica brown findlay & was pissed when she left harlots to film this. 3 episodes in & i'm pretty sure this show is only 10% of the book "brave new world" & 90% the imagination of whatever white guy they picked to write the script. i cant stand it when they take a book & then only use the name not the actual plot(because most americans are too stupid to read the book then assume the tv show is "true").

pro: the 1990s/1970s style "futuristic" wardrobes
con: alden ehrenreich ?

i keep trying to get into alden but there is no there there. he's not attractive & ive seen no kind of personality in his work.its like they ran out of bland white guys & he was the last one in the room so he got cast. i slowly die inside every time bernard marx wears his "futuristic" 1970s style leisure suit. i really hope those "willie dynamite" does "gattaca" costumes werent an accident.

its fun to see demi moore go back to her white trash roots, though i wish they gave her a more realistic & less distracting wig.it looks like its about to slide off in every scene. the savagelands traditions part shouldve been longer. idgaf about homegirl from harlots protecting the land & pretending to be native american(its gross but i'm sure white people dont see how gross it is plus she's english so i doubt she understands how bad it makes her look).

ed stoppard is so gorgeous & sinister. its bizarre he isnt a huge star by now. i feel like this didnt need to be almost 9 hours since the most interesting characters were killed off pretty quickly.i would probably watch a 2nd season despite saying that.

Sunday, July 19, 2020

blind item: geriatric fvckery edition

there is some "new" beef between the italian acting legend & the lacefront wig wearing plastic surgery addict. they've been low key feuding for decades,wig says the italian had him blackballed  & i can almost believe that. 30 years ago they were in a movie with a former child star who was ready to shed her good girl image.

the legend kept trying to flirt with the former child star but she rebuffed his advances. one day they go to their trailers to change clothes for the next scene. the italian went into her trailer unannounced while wearing nothing but a robe(with absolutely nothing underneath). turns out wig was there with the former child star plus another crew member. the italian was embarrassed enough to leave without getting what he came for

Friday, July 10, 2020

contagion 2011 review

i HATE horror/pandemic movies,so i was dreading watching contagion. plus the fact that it stars goop really made me not want to see it.but since this is very timely & i'm bored/drunk, here we go!!!!!

i didnt know it was filled with so many celebrities. "i need no one to know until everybody knows". wow, thats creepy & hits too close to home. marion cotillard is so underrated. its very human to want to "run away from death" but you cant outrun death.when lockdown 1st started i watched the masque of the red death & it made me sadder than it should have. death follows you wherever you go & no amount of money will stop it.

i really cant stand matt damon so its amazing i'm enjoying this movie so much.most of the actors(not goop or damon) are SO talented. jude law walking around in his robot/hazmat suit is a whole mood. its funny to see how fast the fake veneer of society falls away(in real time and in the movie). y'all were always violent savages with neanderthals for ancestors..........


Monday, June 29, 2020

lace miniseries 1985 part 2

the description in the listing: "In Lace, p0rno princess-turned-movie queen Lili (Phoebe Cates) embarked on a relentless quest to find the mother who had abandoned her in infancy. Now it's Daddy's turn. Cates and many of the original stars of Lace return to the opulent world of jets, jewels and heartbreak in Lace II.This time, Lili's mother is kidnapped by Southeast Asian guerillas and held for a million-dollar ransom - or else. Lili enlists the aid of her mother's school friends to hunt for her unknown father, hoping he can meet the ransom before the soldiers fulfill their deadly threat. Her only clue: her mother's book, a roman a clef with three different versions of who Lili's father may be. So many daddies, so little time!"

unfortunately(fortunately?) i read the wiki before i started watching & it said what the ending was for this one. phoebe stopped using that stupid accent so this is a bit better. lili asks her mom who her dad is & the mom gives her a book & tells her to read it(instead of just saying).i wonder if the people writing these scripts have ever had a real conversation before.

instead of just telling the rest of the story, they are going back to when she was pregnant & reshooting the old scenes with the new actress playing the mom :-(. i get that might have been needed pre internet but i just saw this story yesterday so its boring. despite saying that,this one is less slow than the 1st & i didnt have to stop it for hours at a time.