Wednesday, January 9, 2019

the mistress of king midas

she is not much to look at but she is smarter than she looks.the first sucker believed her when she said she was on the pill until 9 months later.she moved on to the next when the baby daddy refused to pay more.she got engaged but unfortunately the fiance was black.she soon replaced him with a more acceptable white millionaire.

the mistress moved up in the world & was soon besties with the wife of king midas.of course, this was no accident. they would go on vacation together,the couples sometimes swapping beds & other times just sharing them. maybe mrs midas got sick of sharing or maybe she fell in love with her other side any case, she is now divorcing the king but i doubt he will marry the mistress.the only reason why you are hearing about it is because midas wanted to control the narrative before the newspapers are printed. the musical chairs could have gone on forever

Sunday, December 30, 2018

Somebody That I Used To Know

he was a beautiful boy when i knew him,full of fun, & never a care.i was attracted to him like a moth to a flame.his dad was a millionaire, they lived in a mansion,his after school job was being a professional model.i loved him as much as i could love back then but he is dead now.

after school, i'd wait in his corvette while he visited his parole officer.when he was 16 he asked me to marry him & said when he went off to college he'd hide me in his dorm room so his parents wouldnt find out. the modern day romeo & juliet. i ran away to hollywood instead & googled him every couple of years.he was in & out of prison.

i cant say that i am mourning, to be truthful its probably for the best.i'm guessing the cause of death was drugs,meth ruined his pretty face.i never said goodbye before leaving texas so i guess this is it

Tuesday, December 25, 2018

the godfather part 1, 2, & 3

i'm like 95% sure that i have not seen these movies before or maybe i did & they were so boring i blocked them out? either way here is a half assed review of all 3.i love francis ford coppola's movies like Bram Stoker's Dracula, Cotton Club, & Peggy Sue Got Married but i find gangster movies to be boring. the only one i can stand is Casino because sharon stone is such a well dressed baddie.

ok.lets get to it
the godfather #1 3 hours long,huh? this had better be good. 2 minutes in & i am already annoyed by marlon brando's stuffed cheek whisper voice.its weird how naturally good looking he was & how hard he fought against it(like johnny depp now).

i dont get it, is fredo supposed to be retarded? the wardrobe & hairstyles are really bad.very 1970s when i'm guessing its taking place in the 1950s? all those afros & disco makeup styles are distracting.i didnt even recognize diane keaton.whoever picked out that wig & shaved her eyebrows must have really hated her.

halfway through & i'm not seeing why this is considered such a classic.i get it was based off a best selling book but this is pretty boring & idgaf about any of these characters. all this anti black stuff isnt cute either. 3 hours & still could not come up with a better ending than that,huh?

part 2
its disturbing how they only call him "tom hagen" not just tom.the hair/costumes are much more authentic. am i supposed to know what is going on? i guess not.whatever. its annoying, all this italian dialog with no subtitles. i'd rather watch a movie starring fredos wife deanna than this although young al pacino is looking like a snack.

speaking of snacks, young robert deniro was a full meal.this movie is VERY boring. i'm loving this abortion monologue,too bad diane keaton never gets to play dramatic characters.she's basically an extra throughout the 1st movie until the last 40 minutes of the 2nd.again the ending sucked.i'm really regretting watching these movies.what a waste of time

part 3
ok so here's where it gets "good".hopefully this will be hamilton is such a fox,i wonder why he was never a bigger pacino's hair is too 1990s, the grey reminds me of christmas tree flocking,super distracting.its set in 1979 but all the hair/costumes are from 1987.good job? its weird he thought sofia coppola could be a movie star.without actual talent you need looks & she just doesnt have it(or enough charisma that you forget you are looking at an unattractive woman).i wonder why he would set his daughter up for failure like that.

this movie is so the diabetes scenes really necessary? as usual i have no idea what is happening or why.maybe that is for the best.i am bored & this opera scene is going on way too long. the end of mary may be one of the funniest things ive ever seen.

all 3 movies were SO boring & bad,i have no idea why the first 2 keep being put on best movie lists

Saturday, November 3, 2018

bohemian rhapsody

i was pretty excited when first i heard of sacha baron cohen starring in bohemian rhapsody.of course the reason why he isnt in it is because brian may wanted this movie about a gay icon to not have anything gay in is scrubbed & sanitized & very lame.

i hate to say that because rami malek is SUCH a snack & lord knows i love staring at his face.the freddie mercury fake teeth were a huge mistake, so distracting, & you couldnt understand some words due to them.he could barely close his mouth.i didnt care about queen/any of the characters & all of the actors were boring except rami.i cant recommend this unless you enjoy being bored :-)

Saturday, October 13, 2018

Showgirls 2: Penny's from Heaven

i was WAY too excited when I heard there was a Showgirls 2, #1 being one of my favorite movies ever. even before clicking play i can see the budget for this movie had to have been $50 but i am ready. first 3 minutes & Penny says "i'm not a stripper i'm a dancer !" 3 times. this is painful.i was always confused why they cast glenn plummer in the 1st one & now even more confused that he's in the 2nd.for why? its like they were looking for the most unattractive non dancing "dancer" they could find.

i think my problem isnt that i wanted to watch this but that i watched it while feels like the script was written by someone who does not know english.with every new character i think "are they playing crackheads or are they crackheads in real life?". s2 is odd because when actors get a little power they usually make their dumb characters smarter in the sequel like "bill & ted's bogus journey" but rena riffel doubled down & made penny even dumber.i think john waters should have directed this, he is the only one who couldve made it entertaining.

showgirls 2 is 20 different plots & none of them make sense.its not campy & not funny(intentional or otherwise).halfway through & i just assumed the plot would be like the crow & penny would be some sort of avenging angel but that didnt happen. ok, now i officially hate myself.she did a lesbian recreation of that infamous pool sex scene.

the outfits are bad,the script is bad, & the acting is worse. i cant recommend this at all

Friday, October 5, 2018

the homeless problem

i was watching a 1950s documentary about a levittown type neighborhood that had 1 black family move in(its on youtube & i'm too lazy to google the link but very interesting if you find it,lol). anyhoo, ALL the white neighbors were PISSED! how dare black people ruin our community by living anywhere they want blahblahblah. the "best" part is when one of the white neighbors says something like "how will i know i am better if they can afford what we can?". this article reminded me of that.

there is absolutely no reason why any american should be homeless,we pay more than enough in taxes to take care of all our(legal) citizens & lord knows politicians/billionaires have enough money to help. but how will they know they are better if everyone is housed & fed? how will they know they are "superior" if they cant hold their nose while walking past a homeless person? so things will never change.

Saturday, September 22, 2018

the dinner date

so i meet this attractive,older millionaire & we decide to go to spago for our first date.i put on a cute & modest high neck $50 dress & make sure my hair/makeup looks nice.not over the top but definitely appropriate for the occasion.

during our date 4 people came up to compliment me on my beautiful dress,one woman saying that i looked like a vintage movie star.i can see my date is getting pissed. he complains that everyone is complimenting me but not him(he's wearing a t-shirt & jeans, nothing fancy).i tell him he should've warned me that HE wanted to be the pretty one."i can ugly myself up so you can shine, you just have to let me know in advance!". afterwards he gets upset because my boobs are "too big" & "stick out too much".never in my life have a heard a man complain about breasts being too big. how sway?

i tried to contact him later but he basically blew me off.oh well.i guess i'll be single until i die if this is the best men can do..........

Friday, September 14, 2018

Crimson Petal and the White

Crimson Petal and the White is a book about an 1870s prostitute named Sugar.  romola garai is SOOOOO untalented & hard to look won all sorts of awards for the makeup but i dont understand,its very badly applied(i get shes supposed to be sickly & pale from working at night but she looks like a corpse).

they cast a lot of male comedians(mark gatiss & chris o'dowd) but it doesnt make sense because its not a comedy.the men are disappointing but shirley henderson is very talented. amanda hale plays a crazy woman(as usual) & steals every scene she is in. the plot is sort of weird because you have to guess what romolas motivation is because she cannot act.

Wednesday, August 29, 2018

gangs of new york

i havent watched gangs of new york since it came out.i remember being in the theater & blown away by daniel day lewis & confused why they cast the obviously too modern cameron diaz.i still have a collection of herbert asburys books hidden in a box somewhere,i highly recommend them if you like gossipy messy history.

that being said,the movie didnt hold up very felt like it was 6 hours long & it really shouldve been 2 separate movies.the "irish" accents were all over the place & cameron always seems so late 1990s to me. leonardo dicaprios weave irked me & was pretty distracting(plus i dgaf about his motivations, his accent was terrible, & his acting wasnt that good).its hard to outshine ddl so i didnt expect much from the rest of the cast.

history always repeats itself & this movie is a very good example of that. ddl & the "native americans" aka white people are upset because the immigrants are taking over.the unwashed masses start rioting because of the draft & instead of going after the rich who buy their way out of the war(there is one scene where Scorsese plays the 1% but i'm pretty sure the majority of those killed were poor), they take their flat funky asses over to the black orphans home to burn that down. their riot against the draft/immigration consists of them killing american born black people because you know how much power black people have over everything(& especially then when most were still slaves). sound familiar?

Thursday, August 9, 2018

Lindsay Lohan is still trash

its pretty obvious Lindsay Lohan was abused as a child & her parents dgaf about her well being.for someone who was so rich & famous she had a rough life but that is no excuse. if she were black she wouldve been cancelled the 1st time she was caught with drugs but since she is white she will continue to fail upwards & get MANY opportunities to work in the entertainment industry(even though she was never talented & looks 20 years older than her real age).

to promote her new reality show, she decided to insult victims of abuse(as if she wasnt one herself).

hohan on abuse & sexual harassment: "You make it a real thing by making it a police report. I’m going to really hate myself for saying this, but I think by women speaking against these things, it makes them look weak" thats bizarre. pretty sure she never contacted the cops after she said her last fiance Egor beat her.

"You have these girls who come out, who don’t even know who they are, who do it for the attention". hmmmmmmmmmm, sounds familiar

“I had a fight with my ex on this very beach. What did I do? Nothing”.i guess she just called herself an attention seeking weakling