Phantom of the Mall : Eric's Revenge

 Phantom of the Mall : Eric's Revenge is one of the worst movie titles i've seen in a while.it took me way too long to figure out this isnt a sequel. i'm mad morgan fairchild looks younger now than she did in 1989. 

these "teens" are so wrinkled, barf. pauly shore is looking surprisingly cute. more filthy carpet, this looks like the mall in "chopping mall". gratuitous changing room scene with all the doors open but at least this time they cast women who arent shaped like 9 year olds.

not the security guard jumping on top of the elevator like some kind of monster. i wonder how much coke was used while writing(& approving) these scripts.

not the other security guard putting on his glasses when pauly gets naked. this is an entire mess.

Interview with the Vampire 2022

 you already know how i feel about unsexy, unattractive vampires.......

so i wasnt going to watch Interview with the Vampire because the original is so good & i doubt they will be able to top it.

for this, i think they shouldve gotten rid of the framing device & just called it lestat. we dont need more unattractive actors in this & nobody cares about the reporter. let's just get right to the gay vampire stuff.

why would the vampire send cassette tapes? do they even still make cassette tapes? you cant buy them in a normal store so unless he bought 800 in 1987 then i dont understand whats going on. also, why would louis need a reporter in 2022 when he could just set up a blog & do it himself? not even 5 minutes in & there are too many plot holes.

this is dumb.theres no way lestat would be walking around in antique clothing in 1910.the only time he wasnt "dressed to kill" was when he was sick.i get they are trying to put some goth flavor into it but if youre going to insist on setting it in 1910 then the costumes need to be accurate.

of course,they made the black louis a literal pimp because god forbid there isnt 1 second of non stereotypical cliches while a black actor is on screen. its funny because im sure the white males writing the script really thought they did something. none of this sounds like anything anne rice wouldve actually wrote....

consent is great & more men need to learn about/practice getting consent but this @nal scene is ridiculous & unnecessary. it took me 4 days to watch the 1st 8 minutes now im regretting all my life choices.

everybody in his family has a different(bad) accent & nobody looks alike........

lestat isnt sexy & all these dudes are ugly. 

louis already said he didnt speak french but obviously understood what lestat said in french. is he reading lestats mind or did the writer not read the script? lestats accent is all over the place. he literally makes time stop & louis acts like this is normal.

of course they HAD to shoe horn in a tap dancing scene. im surprised they didnt cool down afterwards with watermelon.

Chopping Mall

i HATE horror movies but i'm in the mood for some halloween-esque entertainment. tonight i will be watching Chopping Mall for the 1st time. its so fun seeing the beverly center in the 1980s with {gasp} carpet on the floors! never in my life have i seen a carpeted mall. this might be the best part of the movie.

mary woronov is such a huge part of my childhood.

of course, there is a gratuitous locker room nude scene(in the mall?) showcasing lots of flat white asses & a-cups. what is the point of doing all that just to cast women shaped like toothpicks? i have no idea.

all this carpet is really freaking me out.

i feel like they shouldve made the "teens"(who look 40) more sympathetic. when the killbot exploded homegirls head, i could only laugh. who gaf if these morons die? good riddance! who breaks into a mall to have sex with 6 other people in the room?

i'm confused why they are going to try & "kill" the robots with a gun. wouldnt a cup of water work even better? i only watched this because i  assumed mary woronov would have a bigger part & now i have the sads. hopefully the killbots will get rid of most of these "teens".

the acting is just so incredibly bad.its like they werent cast for looks, talent, OR charisma.

2nd best part of this movie: learning that at one time there was a store named "krush groove". 9 more minutes to go & i really just want to watch "trailer park boys" again. the ending was dumb but the whole thing was dumb so...........

dark shadows 1966 vs 1991 vs 2004 vs 2012

1966  i tried to watch dark shadows years ago but it was so boring & the sets were so cheap that i couldnt,i turned off the 1st episode after a couple of minutes. due to dummies not washing their hands, i had plenty of time to try again last year. its pretty slow & they repeat scenes over & over for those who missed episodes but its(unintentionally) funny. i find the child actors to be annoying but the worst is the little girl playing sarah collins with the THICK baltimore accent. where tf did they find her? did they even film in baltimore? the whole thing is live & she RARELY knew her lines yet they stayed paying her!

as ive already said, a good vampire needs to be sexy or scary & johnathan frid was neither. the acting is bad & the sets look like they would fall over if you leaned on them. sometimes the crew guys are running in the background or you can see the microphones bobbing over heads. dark shadows was basically twilight for 1960s housewives. i spend most of the episodes playing on my phone but i can see how this blew peoples minds back in the day & why they keep remaking it.

the original was never that good but they really jumped the shark with adam/frankenstein.

1991 more money for wardrobe/sets & the acting is A LITTLE better but not worth watching. they made a complicated plot even more complicated for no reason. ben cross was incredibly unattractive & not scary as barnabas. jean simmons was a glorified extra & joanna going was pretty but useless.

2004/2012 the 2004 pilot was boring & not worth talking about at all.i completely forgot that i even saw it a couple of months ago. i HATED the 2012 film when i first saw it. tim burton hasnt made a good movie since edward scissorhands.  

yikes! was it really necessary for the little boy to imply he watches his cousin masturbate? not even 20 minutes in & im frowning. eva green is so underrated. it irks me greatly when shows/movies have vampires walking around in sunlight(a myth that was started in nosferatu?). these sex scenes are KILLING me!

the movie was cute but the ending sucked.i probably wont watch it again though it was much better than i remembered

the munsters 2022

 i always preferred the addams family over the munsters so i actually wasnt going to watch this but i am pretty sick today & have plenty of time to waste. the eddie izzard munsters pilot was pretty good & its a shame that was never a tv show.

this looks VERY cheap. its funny how i see reviews with white men complaining that sheri moon zombie is "too old" now but she looked worn out & 40 in the 1990s & everybody lied & said she was hot. i get the tone is supposed to be zany/wacky but its just coming off lame & like a childrens tv show. i assumed rob zombie had talent but idk about this.

sheri moon cant act & i only laughed once. elvira's role shouldve been WAY bigger. why waste film on sheri when elvira is right there?

ugliness is unamerican/god save the king

 i'm watching this terrible movie called skidoo & one of the characters says "ugliness is unamerican" & it just blew my mind. in america, looks are everything. who cares if you are dying from a preventable disease because you have no insurance, as long as you wear the right clothes & have the "right" color skin. america is just a 3rd world country in a gucci belt. all style & no substance. who cares that people have no clean water to drink in MULTIPLE cities as long as the president is white again, huh?

huh?

its weird to see the fall of the american empire in real time.

i always thought i would feel some type of way when queen elizabeth died but i feel nothing. like literally nothing. i totally forgot it even happened until i saw another article about it. she was a part of our lives(good or bad) & now she is gone. will there be positive change in england? probably not but we can hope. hope is free!

reddit is racist like the rest of the world

 

i'm minding my own business as per usual & i see this comment

Staafen2

·45 min. ago

Ewwww you're black lmao. These 

bums already have more worth

 than you

ok. i report it & get this message a couple of minutes later

"Thanks for submitting a report to the Reddit admin team. After investigating, we’ve found that the reported content doesn’t violate Reddit’s Content Policy."

now if i had said people with penises dont need to be in female only spaces or women have periods, i wouldve been banned but its perfectly ok to say bums have more worth than black people. i'm not surprised, its just weird how EVERYBODY is ok with being as racist/sexist as possible & we just have to pretend its normal.

white people love dogs more than they love black people

 yes

we know

you dont have to keep saying it in various ways

we get it

you can stop now

some idiot decided that he was going to post something i said on twitter to reddit because how dare i point out that loving dogs is not a sign that someone is good! we all know how hitler loved HIS dogs. was hitler a good man? one to praise? is hitler better than me? better than black people? lmfao

racists calling me shaniqua & talking about how "you people" do this & "you people" do that but are somehow good(& the racism is cancelled) because they like dogs? can someone please explain to me how this works because i really do not understand. y'all cry hot salty tears for dogs but laugh when black people are hurt. is that christlike? 

people who didnt understand the joke 800 years ago trying to drag me for being black & alive is so weird. please get a life & read a book. the sun is killing y'all. covid(aka not washing your hands or having basic hygiene) is killing y'all. the earth is trying to kill y'all. your birth rates go down every day, your fertility is trash. worry about that not what i'm typing on twitter. lol

house of gucci

i wasnt going to review house of gucci but i keep laughing & i know this isnt a comedy. i am not even going to comment on her terrible accent & the fact that lady gagas face is so full of fillers that it looks like a halloween mask. how did no one notice this???? why did no one tell her to stop????? her face looks like it hurts!

this "romance" is so awkward. in what world does gaga look like liz taylor? he must be high AND blind. she wrote on his windshield with lipstick, then put the lipstick on her mouth & i damn near vomited. this movie is nsfl & it hasnt even been 15 minutes. its like all the actors are in a different movie. i really hope people werent serious about gaga winning an oscar for this.

im confused why they cast people who obviously cant do an italian accent instead of just letting them use their own accents. were they trying to do camp on purpose? adam driver looks like a snack in 1970s clothes,he should keep this style. the office sex scene is worse than the pool one in showgirls. why are amateurs being paid millions when they cant do the job? i havent seen a star is born(there is only one & it stars fredric march) but did lady gaga really not take acting lessons after fvcking up american horror story? i could understand if she was attractive(or relevant) but this has got to stop.

of course,they HAD to make jared leto, bald/old/ugly/fat instead of just hiring a bald/old/ugly/fat actor because absolutely nothing makes sense in this movie. i dont appreciate how they are treating my mans paolo. he has the best male costumes. the fake karl lagerfeld had choupette 30+ years before she was born. did i miss the scene where karl goes back in time? also pretty sure he had dark hair in 1983 but wgaf about accuracy or the truth? 

ridley scott also directed "the last duel" which came out around the same time as this & i wonder "for why?" neither film was very good & this will probably be the last movie he directs. why waste ruining your legacy on this?

martha inc & martha behind bars movie review

 i never saw martha inc at the time it came out. i was pretty busy those years (& found martha stewart to be boring) so it wasnt a priority. i LOVE cybill shepards blank shark eyes & flat accent(does martha really sound like that? i will never know).i wouldnt mind if cybill made a new martha movie every couple of years. i get that tptb were trying to make martha into some kind of villain but all im seeing is an ambitious bad betch. martha behind bars isnt as good as the 1st, its basically a rehash of her trial & her 5 months of prison. like "orange is the new black" she was also in jail with a nun. i cant with martha smuggling in spices & making "illegal" desserts. i think they shouldve spent less time on the trial & more time with her in prison.