Wuthering Heights 2026 movie review

the 1939 version of Wuthering Heights is one of my favorite movies & ive seen every english version with a white heathcliff so these are pretty big boots to fill.i dont think emerald fennell has the talent(or even the urge) to make this a great movie but we will see.

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I knew this was going to be a mess but im so confused how a female director got so much rope to hang herself with. like who hates emerald that much that they let her make this movie? it ended & i could not stop laughing. i assumed all the negative reviews i read were people exaggerating but really, it was a billion times worse.

"wuthering heights" is a movie made by people who have never read the book. the only similarities are the names, absolutely none of the characters are the same. margot robbie looks about 7 months pregnant & there is no nudity but A LOT of vagina stand ins. emerald goes out of her way to be vulgar yet makes sure NOT to show anything that is actually sexy.

they made edgar linton into an indian man but the only character who is actually non white is(of course) played by a white man. jacob elordi is gorgeous but i have yet to see some talent. ewan mitchell is given 3 lines, "whip wielding man", indeed. alison oliver is funny af but shes starring in a whole other movie. hong chau stays being wasted in sh1tty movies. if hollywood wasnt so racist, she would be a huge star by now. 

the movie looks good but the costumes are obviously not historically accurate. they literally put margot in 80s barbie doll recreations(again? again! she is legit dressed like the holiday/christmas barbies). cathys style leans VERY 1980s & the linton house screams vintage coke dealer. just watch this with the sound off & you will enjoy it much more.

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 source: margot-robbie-british-vogue-interview

"Robbie recalls that Elordi was already cast by the time the screenplay landed on her desk. At that point, Robbie had never read the book "

yes, we can see.....

" “I just felt like… Not like she’s mine, but like I both understood her and didn’t, in a way that drew me to her. It’s this puzzle you have to work out.” She would have produced the film anyway, but decided to throw her hat in the ring to play Cathy too – though she didn’t “want Emerald to feel like she had to say yes”."

you would think since margots the producer that she would postpone the filming until AFTER she had the baby.i assumed they didnt because she didnt have a choice but indeed, THAT was the choice she made. bizarre

"Margot comes with big d–k energy. That’s what Cathy needs."

and none of that was shown in the actual movie. just normal selfish/annoying white woman ish. as per usual

" “I saw him play Heathcliff,” she says finally. “And he is Heathcliff. I’d say, just wait. Trust me, you’ll be happy. It’s a character that has this lineage of other great actors who’ve played him, from Laurence Olivier to Richard Burton and Ralph Fiennes to Tom Hardy. To be a part of that is special. He’s incredible and I believe in him so much. I honestly think he’s our generation’s Daniel Day-Lewis.”"

i get that margot is trying to secure her bag but there is no reason to lie like this(like we dont have eyes). as good as burton? as good as ralph? as good as ddl??? as good as olivier?????????????

i love me some margot but she needs to stop lying. THIS AINT IT!

"This is a big epic romance."

it is not

Beetlejuice Beetlejuice 2 movie review

 

Beetlejuice is one of my favorite movies & yes ive been waiting impatiently this entire time for the sequel. tim burton has been showing his ass lately about being anti black & hasnt had a good movie since edward scissorhands but i will ignore that for a second because i need my keaton/Beetlejuice fix.

i leave early & get there an hour late. i use 2 phones to take pictures & absolutely none of the pictures were actually taken. i was very close to just going back home & the vibes were severely off.

Beetlejuice 2 was ok. was it worth the wait? no. was it bad? not really. would i watch it again? probably not

all of the new characters were a waste of time except monica bellucci. i am a huge willem dafoe fan & he added absolutely nothing to this movie. im glad to see burn gorman is still booked & busy,tim burton should use him more often. justin therouxs lacefront wig was so bad & you could see the lace crinkling from the glue. i wonder if that was his personal toupee or if a "professional" installed it. there is no reason in the world why im still seeing gluey goopy lacefronts in 2024. 

i dont like how they made fake charles a recurring character. he wasnt needed at all,just have the funeral & get on with the movie.

i was expecting new exquisite goth lewks but all they gave was kmart chic & middle aged lydia in a recreation of her schoolgirl outfit. it wouldve made more sense to have astrid in the school uniform since they INSISTED on calling back to that. delia in her crone era wouldve been even more weird but they gave her no lewks, either.i see they are already trying to make astrids marie curie halloween costume a thing but it wasnt even cute or accurate. the only actual lewk(besides lydias ripoff elvira gown) was beetlejuices iconic striped suit(which wasnt even updated).

even with the internet no teens are going to know what james deans "rebel without a cause" outfit looks like(nor would a teen from the 1990s). these dummies think bonnie & clyde were fictional(yes, really) so im doubtful they would even know who james dean was(they know james deen but not dean kthanxbye).

i feel like the "soul train" part was tim burton being petty because 40 years later white people finally realized he never casts black people. so he decided to do so but only have them dancing & wearing afro wigs(because of course). im actually surprised he didnt shoe horn in some tap dancing, watermelon eating, & a couple of raccoons for a little razzle dazzle.

dark shadows 1966 vs 1991 vs 2004 vs 2012

1966  i tried to watch dark shadows years ago but it was so boring & the sets were so cheap that i couldnt,i turned off the 1st episode after a couple of minutes. due to dummies not washing their hands, i had plenty of time to try again last year. its pretty slow & they repeat scenes over & over for those who missed episodes but its(unintentionally) funny. i find the child actors to be annoying but the worst is the little girl playing sarah collins with the THICK baltimore accent. where tf did they find her? did they even film in baltimore? the whole thing is live & she RARELY knew her lines yet they stayed paying her!

as ive already said, a good vampire needs to be sexy or scary & johnathan frid was neither. the acting is bad & the sets look like they would fall over if you leaned on them. sometimes the crew guys are running in the background or you can see the microphones bobbing over heads. dark shadows was basically twilight for 1960s housewives. i spend most of the episodes playing on my phone but i can see how this blew peoples minds back in the day & why they keep remaking it.

the original was never that good but they really jumped the shark with adam/frankenstein.

1991 more money for wardrobe/sets & the acting is A LITTLE better but not worth watching. they made a complicated plot even more complicated for no reason. ben cross was incredibly unattractive & not scary as barnabas. jean simmons was a glorified extra & joanna going was pretty but useless.

2004/2012 the 2004 pilot was boring & not worth talking about at all.i completely forgot that i even saw it a couple of months ago. i HATED the 2012 film when i first saw it. tim burton hasnt made a good movie since edward scissorhands.  

yikes! was it really necessary for the little boy to imply he watches his cousin masturbate? not even 20 minutes in & im frowning. eva green is so underrated. it irks me greatly when shows/movies have vampires walking around in sunlight(a myth that was started in nosferatu?). these sex scenes are KILLING me!

the movie was cute but the ending sucked.i probably wont watch it again though it was much better than i remembered

to set the record straight

this will probably be the last time i bring this up. i've been getting a LOT of emails from randoms asking me to be on a certain podcast. that will never happen. now that the podcast has changed,i got an email from my "friend" asking me to be on it. that will never happen. to me, friends are people who are there for you not just when they need something.

so y'all can stop bothering me. its not going to happen. ever. find a new hobby to occupy your time

eta: the "enemy" just sent me a friend request. this is pathetic

the jerk, too

the jerk is one of my favorite movies.i remember watching it a billion times as a child & being amazed that such a stupid/funny movie had been made in the 1st place. a couple of months ago, i found out there was a sequel the jerk, too. its always a bad sign when the sequel stars someone else but i'm in quarantine & we obviously have time for fuckery. here we go.

30 minutes in & i havent laughed once.its nice to see old footage of las vegas , ray walston , & mabel king  but they are slumming & not given a lot to do. there is a reason why nobody knows the name mark blankfield. imdb says he was on saved by the bell but ive seen that show multiple times & dont even remember him(i assumed he was the idiot doing magic tricks but that wasnt him). now i see he was in "splash,too" so i guess his whole career was flop sequels............

50 minutes in, gwen verdon shows up & it becomes a musical, yet still incredibly boring. it makes me sad to see all these great entertainers wasting their talent/time on this mess.i hope the pay was good, at the very least.

tldr: dumb plot, boring movie, not worth watching

Bumble Presents:The Stella Heartois Experience - V2

oy

i'm SLIGHTLY drunk so this might be painful to read

anyhoo

this was one of the worst parties i've been to for a while

invite says party starts at 7pm & to get there early.7:20 & we are still standing out front. "celebrities" are being let in while we stand there watching.i am literally the most famous person there, which is sad.

i read all the emails sent before because i'm a nerd.when i got there they were taking reservations for the dinner. cool. whatever. we give our names to the hostess around 7:30,the 1st seating is at 8:15(supposedly).we are standing by the hostess the entire time.they let in randoms,asking us to move over. 8:15 goes by, 8:35, 8:45, we are told the next seating will be in an hour unless we are investors or scheduled online(that is one of the MANY lies we were told by pr women/hostesses because there was no way to schedule that online but whatever).we are not investors so we wait standing in line.they continue to let in randoms around us(who i know & are definitely NOT investors).we still wait patiently.a security guard says we cant wait in line 2 minutes after the hostess says we need to wait in line because their list/wifi is down. he makes sure everybody moves out of the line. ok

eventually everybody pushes towards the dinner area. we are butts to nuts. i'm sweating & wearing chanel but its fine,i'm a survivor.i came there with a full stomach but its the principal at this point.i was told the year before meghan trainor had a concert but no such luck this year.just bs & lies for 2020.they hand out half cooked cold sliders(why are white people SO obsessed with raw meat?????).i ate it despite being disgusted,i hate to waste food.it was a valentines party but most of the hot guys were gay & with their boyfriends(i ended up dancing with most of them later at the gay bar on the other side of town).we finally push our way inside the dinner area when the hostesses are distracted(i have no idea what time but definitely later than the 9:30 we were promised multiple times). to be fair, the actual dinner food was one of the best meals ive ever had even though it was supposed to be shared(im guessing they ran out of food by that time. the "shared salad" was literally 3 pieces of lettuce & "shared ribs" were 2 small cubes of meat.i left before dessert so i have no idea how tiny that was).my alarm was set for 10:50pm which is when i left for the gay club(dont ask).

olivia culpo was supposed to be there.she is not important enough to be googling but im guessing she is the white woman who was there for 3 minutes & wore that white dress that BARELY covered her ass. if so, good job? she literally did nothing but im sure she was paid handsomely for the "effort". anyways, i need to sleep for frieze tomorrow.

the jesus rolls

i LOVE the big lebowski but i'm confused why a whole movie was made about one of the worst characters. who was asking for "the jesus rolls"? it wasnt written by or endorsed by the coen brothers so i dont have high hopes that this will be good.

there is a lot of celebrity cameos but this movie is very boring & the writer doesnt give you any reason to care about the characters. the female characters are INCREDIBLY pathetic & all the scenarios are unbelievable(in a bad way).i get its a movie but still. even if they had made this as a stand alone film without dragging lebowski into it, its still a horrible movie & not worth wasting 2 hours of your life on.

upgrade

i was at another premiere & i overheard some industry guys talking about blumhouse & how horrible their movies are(i wont go into details but they were savage). last night i got to experience my first blumhouse film called "upgrade".

i HATE action movies but i love betty gabriel(who is a gorgeous girl irl but is always "uglied" up by the hair/makeup people on set for some reason) & logan marshall green is a stone cold fox.i ended up sitting in front of logan but i knew if i turned around & saw those lips there was no way i'd want to watch the movie instead so i never saw him. :-(

it pains me to say this because i want to enjoy many years of logan marshall green nude scenes & closeups of that pout but homeboy cannot act & has no charisma.he mumbles & covers up that pretty face with a gross beard all the time. harrison gilbertson plays an elon musk ripoff(was he supposed to be creepy? with all the mumbling i didnt know what his characters name was so i had to google-fu, turns out its "eron"). benedict hardie had a small role & ended up stealing the entire movie.

its set in the future(?) but everybody is dressed like its 2010.weird choice to make.even the sets arent that futuristic so its bizarre.the tone was the most jarring.so many dumb jokes like they were aiming to 12 year old boys who never saw the terminator.it shouldve been much darker, angrier, less "funny".the screening started at 7pm & i was yawning throughout(i usually go to sleep at 1am). i cant recommend this movie even though hardie was great. issa mess but i'm sure it will be a blockbuster because idiocracy was a documentary

i'm dying up here

i was feeling terrible after just leaving europe and I get an invite to see the first episodes of I'm Dying Up Here produced by jim carrey. i'm excited and need to laugh so I show up on time.

i love ari graynor but she is pretty much wasted here, none of her lines are funny. all of the male actors are unattractive with zero charisma.i get plastic surgery wasn't as common in the 70s but does EVERY actor need to be ugly? this isn't the bbc so i'm not understanding.

miss montana morehead plays the mom and she was looking so good i thought it was debbie harry until I saw the credits.the equally amazing robert forster plays the dad but unfortunately they are only in 1 episode with very little screen time.

of course the only black actress was a prostitute who stole a dead mans wallet because I guess that is all we can do. it's not like there was a real black 1970s comedienne like moms mabley that they could use as a character instead of the ugly unfunny men they hired instead.the more i thought about it ,the more heated i got.i don't even have to explain the uproar if the only white woman in a tv show was a hooker theif but i'm sure the majority will watch this and not even see the problem.

i can't recommend this.the only reason to watch is melissa leo and the vintage wardrobe and that is not enough.

#BeJoiful event

so the joiful invitation emails promised massages, full body waxes ,makeup, manicures ,and hairstylists.i don't enjoy strange people touching me but i could use a manicure so I was slightly excited.the event is set in a no name studio stage in bfe. there are a LOT of secret service type bodyguards hanging out (wtf were they protecting ???!???).the decorations were nice but everything was too dark .

i go to look at the nail polish and it is in a dark corner.it looks old,separated like it hasn't been used in years.i can only imagine what the colors looked like. no one is actually giving manicures.the massages and makeovers are being done on models with 3 chairs surrounding so you can watch someone else being pampered. those were the only seats and they stayed empty.

no one had any idea what was going on(the employees and the invited).why would anyone show up to watch a random get a massage? i still have no idea what joiful is and have not looked in the giftbag yet. if it's anything interesting i'll post an update later.it's late and these joan crawford movies aren't going to watch themselves.

another thing that bothered me was how people working there kept asking me if I were a blogger and how their faces would light up when I said yes.my wristband said vip but there was no true vip area,just 4 chairs roped off where a model was getting his makeup done.pretty sure they covered a white man head to toe in matte black or dark brown makeup with gold accents like the most extreme blackface ever. :-(

i guess it would have been a good event if I were just there to get wasted with my friends. the only hot guy was an asian who worked there and would not give me the time of day so I left for cheeseburgers........

billions review?

so I get an invitation to see the first 2 episodes of Billions this season.i have no idea what is is about but I rsvp and get a confirmation.the doors open at 6:30,starts at 7.i get there at 6:45 and there are 20 people in line.someone says "sorry we are all booked up" and the crowd turns around and goes home.

i really do hate badly planned events.of course I missed my other event wasting time hauling @ss to that "screening".plus i still have no idea what is is about

Lucky Brand Spring 2017 Cocktail Party

so the Lucky Brand  clothes were ok(everything was just SO 1994)but i really liked the embroidered hippie denim and fake vintage KISS band and Jack Daniel's t-shirts. too bad they were only giving away embroidered bandanas and kept running out of thread? i stood in line and got nothing. Kate Bosworth breezed past the hoi polloi(to talk business?) with some men in suits. she's very pretty but is only getting modeling jobs because she is white. the girl is 5'3 at best.

98% sure i was talking to McLovin but he had a fake german accent. whatever. his body looked INCREDIBLE and had he not brought a horse faced blonde we would have probably made out. oh well, Christopher Mintz-Plasse knows where to find me now.

about 6 people came up and said i was best dressed at the party but we already knew that.a band started playing(i refuse to even use google to figure out their name).the sound was bland maroon 5 pop and the cute lead singer kept singing to me.one of the guys in the audience said he had a crush and it was very embarrassing(for a person who never gets embarrassed). I  had 5 jack daniels cocktails plus 1 glass of wine and was still not drunk so I knew it was time to go home

nick cannon grown and sexy halloween masquerade ball

now I knew Nick Cannon would be filming this party for VH1 (it will air on halloween).i had been paid many years ago to attend one of his other events and decided to go to this one(for free) even though I think he is cute but corny.  i've been to plenty of reality tv parties, i show up and everyone is on break because the camera wasn't rolling.this is not a good sign. the "partygoers" are outside sitting on the sidewalk smoking in formalwear and nick is at the dj booth not playing music.ok.

one of the white female crew members grabs me and starts yelling orders. i guess she thought I was an extra so I ignored that. she should be thankful i am trying to be nonviolent. i see empty bottles stacked up but no one has a drink. i ask her where the real bar is and she is offended.

"we are shooting a tv show ,there is no alcohol on set!"

lol, really? i've been on plenty of sets(reality and "real" productions) where alcohol and illegal substances were handed out by the crew so I knew she was a moron and I needed to go. i was there less than 3 minutes though that is not a record for me

hurricane bianca

so as much as I love drag queens and fierce bitches,i have never seen RuPaul's Drag Race(it's a long boring story involving them hiring my enemy instead of me as a guest judge). tonight I will be watching Hurricane Bianca and hopefully it will be as funny  as Starrbooty or Girls Will Be Girls.

20 minutes into it and haven't laughed once.the premise is good but the jokes are so immature, nothing witty at all. rachel dratch and alan cumming are wasted in this and rupaul is only onscreen for 2 seconds. one more hour to go,i hope it improves .

i knew it was going to get good once he got into drag.no need to save all the funny lines for bianca del rio. "i'm fucking this cat, you just hold the legs"? somebody please make sure that is on my tombstone.

i can't recommend this movie. it's not bad but it's not good either. pretty boring and not what i'd expect from shangela, margaret cho, or willam belli. i would have rather they spent less money on bad cgi and more money on a better writer. disappointing to say the least and a great waste of comedic talent

white girls with fake lips

i went to an audition today and I wish I had not . there was a white girl there with huge fake collagen lips bragging about her latest modeling job that paid $3000. her face was plain and her body had no curves . she had so much lipgloss on it glopped down her chin. she was the typical white girl at auditions: not even pretending to read the script , texting on her phone, and boring anybody who would listen with stories of her pets.

the lips bothered me the most , though . the same big lips that made me lose jobs for looking "too african" were earning her money and furthering her career. mind you , i wasn't jealous and in no way did she look better than me but to see black women being replaced(first by mulattos then by white women with bad plastic surgery) makes me angry. all the things that made us "ugly", curvy bodies , pouty lips ,dark skin, big butts, are now just another costume for white women to wear when they want to be exotic.

shocker of the day :the baby had a miscarriage

remember how i said the baby really wasn't pregnant and would soon say she had a miscarriage for sympathy ? well it just happened . the falling face first pictures were a bit much ,no need to be so graphic ,hun. this is all entertainment , believe nothing she says for now .i wonder what will be the next bid for attention ?i'm guessing she will cheat on her husband again with a gay male model then file for divorce

that one time taboo from the black eyed peas tried to "put me in my place "

so tonight was a secret black eyed peas show.i assumed fergie would be there but she wasn't(yes i know they only added her to get famous
) . bep isn't my scene but I figured why not, they have a couple of good songs. i'm standing in the front row watching will i am. taboo grabs my arm and turns me around so that I look at him(unfortunately this isn't the first time that has happened at a concert ). i HATE strangers touching me and do a fake smile so he will go away.i wonder if it's rude if I just leave but the crowd was packed and I was enjoying myself despite fergie not being there .

will i am says brown lives matter , then all lives matter and my crush on him disappears . taboo decides he wants to talk so I continue to be friendly despite feeling uncomfortable with his attention and he figures he needs to "put me in my place ". i'm not going to repeat what happened but it was uncalled for. what was my crime ? not giving him attention ? being dressed modestly ? or my biggest sin, being a black woman in public ?

it caught me off guard because bullying like that usually comes from black male celebrities .i guess hes hung out so long with will i am that he thinks he is an honorary negro. i'm minding my own ,not saying a word and it makes them incensed ! it's never one on one and they always need a crowd to back them up .i'm not even going to say what happened those other times either but it was pretty bad and not something a normal person could easily get over .

afterwards my "friends" ran up to tell me how hilarious him bullying me was and it reminded me how black women aren't supposed to have feelings .at no point did anyone defend me or ask if I were ok. like everyone else I was there to have a good time but instead i was humiliated and disrespected for no reason . again ,i should be used to it by now but I am not. sad part is, i'm sure he made even more fans by doing that .

nina simone movie review

so we all knew "nina" would be a hot steaming mess once the promo pix were released.only in white peoples minds could a latina be acceptable playing a black woman. zoe saldana is covered in cheap mud brown makeup(with her face 10 shades darker than her body). i guess they decided not to hire a black makeup artist either. her afro wigs look like they cost $5.

it's weird to have such a pro black movie involve so little actual black people(& yes it shows).like only others are allowed to tell our stories .

long story short zoe saldana can't act and should have never been cast as nina simone while viola davis and Uzo Aduba are still alive.

boohoo popup store party

so i went to the boohoo party tonight. mischa barton was there looking cute in white lace(& it seemed like i was the only one to tell her so). is her episodes of "dancing with the stars" on yet? idk. i havent watched tv in MANY years. samantha ronson in a hillary clinton t-shirt was the dj. people told me there were a lot of youtube stars & friends of kylie jenner but again idk. i rsvped  & got a confirmation from boohoo saying that my name was on the list yet it wasnt. i find that VERY annoying. the party was lame until i found a new friend. the drinks were strong but there was only 1 attractive man(& he was a waiter). after getting wasted, i left early to hang out at chik-fil-a bc why not? lol

super pissed that i missed guns n roses tonight. passed by the troubadour where they are playing twice :-(. i also refuse to go to coachella to see them so i guess me marrying axl rose will never be,lol. 8 year old dallas would be SO angry right now. of course i would be out & about/oblivious when they were handing out tickets. i met axl,we have mutual friends, yet i still cant make it happen....

the catch

so i went to a premiere tonight for "the catch" at NeueHouse
starring peter krause & mireille enos.i have no idea why i keep getting invited to tv show screenings & why i keep going. as usual i was sick but this afternoon went to the dr(& was heavily medicated by the time i got there). of course i made a beeline to the free champagne.

i loved peter in Dirty Sexy Money but this is a bad james bond ripoff.the plot was contrived & you could see the ending from a mile away. mireille enos is pretty & talented but her wrinkled puss is distracting.i guess its good to get away from the overly botoxed look but she looks 60 years old once she starts emoting.its bizarre. can someone please buy her some moisturizer? this is the kind of bland show that will either last for 20 years(due to the blandness) or be cancelled the 1st month(due to the blandness).