Wuthering Heights 2026 movie review

the 1939 version of Wuthering Heights is one of my favorite movies & ive seen every english version with a white heathcliff so these are pretty big boots to fill.i dont think emerald fennell has the talent(or even the urge) to make this a great movie but we will see.

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I knew this was going to be a mess but im so confused how a female director got so much rope to hang herself with. like who hates emerald that much that they let her make this movie? it ended & i could not stop laughing. i assumed all the negative reviews i read were people exaggerating but really, it was a billion times worse.

"wuthering heights" is a movie made by people who have never read the book. the only similarities are the names, absolutely none of the characters are the same. margot robbie looks about 7 months pregnant & there is no nudity but A LOT of vagina stand ins. emerald goes out of her way to be vulgar yet makes sure NOT to show anything that is actually sexy.

they made edgar linton into an indian man but the only character who is actually non white is(of course) played by a white man. jacob elordi is gorgeous but i have yet to see some talent. ewan mitchell is given 3 lines, "whip wielding man", indeed. alison oliver is funny af but shes starring in a whole other movie. hong chau stays being wasted in sh1tty movies. if hollywood wasnt so racist, she would be a huge star by now. 

the movie looks good but the costumes are obviously not historically accurate. they literally put margot in 80s barbie doll recreations(again? again! she is legit dressed like the holiday/christmas barbies). cathys style leans VERY 1980s & the linton house screams vintage coke dealer. just watch this with the sound off & you will enjoy it much more.

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 source: margot-robbie-british-vogue-interview

"Robbie recalls that Elordi was already cast by the time the screenplay landed on her desk. At that point, Robbie had never read the book "

yes, we can see.....

" “I just felt like… Not like she’s mine, but like I both understood her and didn’t, in a way that drew me to her. It’s this puzzle you have to work out.” She would have produced the film anyway, but decided to throw her hat in the ring to play Cathy too – though she didn’t “want Emerald to feel like she had to say yes”."

you would think since margots the producer that she would postpone the filming until AFTER she had the baby.i assumed they didnt because she didnt have a choice but indeed, THAT was the choice she made. bizarre

"Margot comes with big d–k energy. That’s what Cathy needs."

and none of that was shown in the actual movie. just normal selfish/annoying white woman ish. as per usual

" “I saw him play Heathcliff,” she says finally. “And he is Heathcliff. I’d say, just wait. Trust me, you’ll be happy. It’s a character that has this lineage of other great actors who’ve played him, from Laurence Olivier to Richard Burton and Ralph Fiennes to Tom Hardy. To be a part of that is special. He’s incredible and I believe in him so much. I honestly think he’s our generation’s Daniel Day-Lewis.”"

i get that margot is trying to secure her bag but there is no reason to lie like this(like we dont have eyes). as good as burton? as good as ralph? as good as ddl??? as good as olivier?????????????

i love me some margot but she needs to stop lying. THIS AINT IT!

"This is a big epic romance."

it is not

♥ "my" elvis, trauma p0rn, + happy valentines day! ♥

 so i accidentally stumbled upon all the old emails from my ex rockstar boyfriend "elvis". i didnt even remember we emailed for years after he dumped me for having cancer. that whole time period was so traumatic that i dont remember a lot of it.

back then, i assumed i was pregnant & it turned out to be cancer. i named the tumor after the baby i thought i would be having(Norma Jean).i forgot all about that.....

he "loved" me because i was the only one to tell him the truth & he hated me because i was the only one to tell him the truth. i identify with anne boleyn so strongly. it hurts reading these emails, him saying he missed me(mind you this was after he dumped me & he never once tried to see me again, yet for years kept begging for my new phone numbers. plural). i am not strong enough to read them all, just seeing bits & pieces hurts so bad. finding these old love letters plus the whole marilyn manson {alleged} abuse stuff is making me feel some sort of way(yes, ive known for years how {allegedly} bad mm was/is, no there is no excuse for what he {allegedly} did & will {allegedly} continue to do).

i am sad & drained & i still love elvis. its hard knowing the only person you ever loved dumped you for having cancer. i am still stuck in that same place & i wish i could get over him

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many millions of years ago while traveling through nevada, me & an ex boyfriend went to an outlet mall in the middle of nowhere. it was gigantic & pretty much empty. i wasnt interested in any of the stores so i left him to wander the 2nd floor. no one was there & there was nothing on that floor except for an antique car in a huge plastic box with a bench in front of it.

i got closer & the car was so full of bullet holes you could see right through it. then it hit me, it was the car bonnie & clyde died in. it was one of the most depressing things ive ever seen in my life. i sat down on that bench & cried for bonnie parker, another bored texas girl iso something to do.

blind item: geriatric fvckery edition

there is some "new" beef between the italian acting legend & the lacefront wig wearing plastic surgery addict. they've been low key feuding for decades,wig says the italian had him blackballed  & i can almost believe that. 30 years ago they were in a movie with a former child star who was ready to shed her good girl image.

the legend kept trying to flirt with the former child star but she rebuffed his advances. one day they go to their trailers to change clothes for the next scene. the italian went into her trailer unannounced while wearing nothing but a robe(with absolutely nothing underneath). turns out wig was already there with the former child star plus another crew member. the italian was embarrassed enough to leave without getting what he came for

blind item: that kinky movie star guy

this "happily" married patrician movie star "respects her too much" to ask his uptight white wife for bdsm but goes online for his kinks. he catfishes with fake pix on tinder to try out his knots on random black women.i guess his wife stopped going to the sex clubs with him for threesomes & now he's playing alone........

i'm not talking about christian grey(& unfortunately i'm not the one he had sex with............)

i heard they separated because she caught him with a kinky escort(not because he was cheating but because the escort is black).plus she hated he is pro black lives matter. its about to get real messy

eta: i heard something new about the ex wife. she was bullying a black schoolmate & told the teachers that the black girl had stolen something from her that cost less than $1. the teachers searched her locker, then strip searched the girl. turns out the item was in the ex wifes pocket the entire time. sounds about white.......

facebook "friends"

ive been on facebook for at least a decade.today was the 2nd time ive read my facebook messages in that time. there were thousands of messages but the general gist i got is that white people need more hobbies. instead of sending racist emails to black people you dont know, why not read a book? or exercise? or paint your trailer? or raise your children? why not make that extra energy into doing something productive with your life?

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to all the hotties who slid in my dms, sorry. its not you, its me. i got some non sexual emails from steven adler asking me to go to his concert. i am so sorry(you have no idea how sorry i am that i missed that). young Dallas wouldve KILLED to hang out/make out with steven adler but its probably for the best we never met.i feel like we'd be way too similar to sid and nancy & this timeline is already fucked up enough already.
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to all the distant relatives who slid out of the woodwork after you saw me on tv ¯\_(ツ)_/¯. when i needed a family, y'all were too busy so lets keep that same energy.

Lipstick on Your Collar

i dont know how i missed Lipstick on Your Collar & yet here we are. ewan mcgregor is so beyond fine that even if the plot is stupid & singing bad, these next 6 hours will be worth it.

eh, this is a "jukebox musical" & all the songs are just the 1950s originals lip synced by randoms.4 minutes in & my head is already starting to hurt.this may have been a mistake. every 2 minutes they "sing" a different song & none of them really help tell the story through the lyrics. 17 minutes in & there is this "joke".

"what do you call those little black things in between an elephants toes?"
"what?"
"slow n!ggers"

this was originally a tv movie. i can see why i've never heard of this before now. another "joke" was the same character literally repeating the word bumholes 100 times. some white man actually got paid to write this garbage.

it isnt funny at all & the author is obsessed with pee/poop/butt jokes. no reason in the world why this story needs to be told in 6 hours.i love to watch ewan dance but its not worth it to waste 6 hours full of racism, bad acting, & unfunny jokes.

upgrade

i was at another premiere & i overheard some industry guys talking about blumhouse & how horrible their movies are(i wont go into details but they were savage). last night i got to experience my first blumhouse film called "upgrade".

i HATE action movies but i love betty gabriel(who is a gorgeous girl irl but is always "uglied" up by the hair/makeup people on set for some reason) & logan marshall green is a stone cold fox.i ended up sitting in front of logan but i knew if i turned around & saw those lips there was no way i'd want to watch the movie instead so i never saw him. :-(

it pains me to say this because i want to enjoy many years of logan marshall green nude scenes & closeups of that pout but homeboy cannot act & has no charisma.he mumbles & covers up that pretty face with a gross beard all the time. harrison gilbertson plays an elon musk ripoff(was he supposed to be creepy? with all the mumbling i didnt know what his characters name was so i had to google-fu, turns out its "eron"). benedict hardie had a small role & ended up stealing the entire movie.

its set in the future(?) but everybody is dressed like its 2010.weird choice to make.even the sets arent that futuristic so its bizarre.the tone was the most jarring.so many dumb jokes like they were aiming to 12 year old boys who never saw the terminator.it shouldve been much darker, angrier, less "funny".the screening started at 7pm & i was yawning throughout(i usually go to sleep at 1am). i cant recommend this movie even though hardie was great. issa mess but i'm sure it will be a blockbuster because idiocracy was a documentary

transgender "artists" made weapons to kill feminists

now i'm pretty tired & about to watch the latest episode of plebs but riddle me this: why do transwomen hate women more than they do the men who rape/kill them? images: source

no matter how many layers of makeup are used, i can still see the testosterone. funny how that works.hating what you are so desperate to become.it would be funny if it were not so sad. how does killing women get rights for transpeople? are women in charge now? why is wanting female only spaces for people with vaginas such a bad thing? the entitlement is so incredible.

this is what we are dealing with.a man wearing a shirt saying he wants to punch women. this "art"(which was paid for & posted by the public library) was made by a group of men who are upset that lesbians refuse to have sex with them. really. i wish i were joking. since this hatred is only focused towards women it will not be taken seriously. tptb will say "boys will be boys" & it will be swept under the rug until it affects straight white men.ok,i am officially done for today,time to watch mr ryan sampson

elvis and nixon

now i've had a crush on michael shannon for a while & lord knows i love the king so i dont know how i missed this. despite having kevin spacey ,(who always seemed creepy to me) its a pretty good cast filled with the prettiest of boys.

first impression: michael in that bouffant elvis wig is everything.of course he looks nothing like him but i'd watch michael shannon do anything. bubba ho tep is probably the best "elvis" movie but i'm not even 5 minutes into this one............

alex pettyfer is gorgeous yet looks like a thumb in that wig.what kind of sorcery? all the wigs are so cheap looking.its cute how all the girls squeal when elvis walks into a room.thats a nice touch. michael is so funny & talented,he should act more often.he was AMAZING on "at home with amy sedaris",it was my favorite episode.

colin hanks is such a cutie & looks more & more like his pappy the older he gets. evan peters is looking wide & tired.maybe he is eating his feelings from all the alleged domestic abuse? final thoughts: its a cute movie but not worth watching. michael shannon is wearing sunglasses throughout most of the film & covering up his expressive eyes.the script was ok but we all know how the story ends

call me by your name

i was way too excited when i first heard about this movie(anything involving my future husband armie hammer scantily clad & i am there hunty). they kind of lost me when they said they digitally removed his balls from some scenes where his shorts were too short(do you NOT want to make money because this is how you dont get azzes into the seats). anyhoo. despite that, i am watching Call Me by Your Name tonight.

the beginning is too slow & i dont care about the playing hard to get nonsense.everybody was going on & on about how timothee chalamet is the best new actor ever but i dont see it.i havent read the book "call me by your name" so i dont know if his character is supposed to be unattractive but that plus him looking 14 is a HUGE turn off.i get that armie is the sexy older man but this isnt the bbc so they could have cast a better looking teen actor #sorrynotsorry...........

its 9pm & i feel like this is going to take all night to finish.that is not a good sign for a 2 hour movie.

4 hours later & i've finally finished it :-(. it wasnt romantic or sexy or sad or interesting.i cannot recommend this movie at all.spoiler alert: its the same old same old "trapped in the closet so i'm going to marry a woman & ruin HER life & eventually our childrens childhoods" nonsense.

style fashion week day 1: Malan Breton

i haven't "done" lafw in a billion years but i've been super stressed out and decided to take the week off.i was supposed to do new york fashion week but somehow forgot :-(

i have no idea why style fashion week insists on having their shows on top of a sidewalk water fountain.way too many people wading through wet and tonight had the added bonus of smelling like sewage.some company was handing out thai food in an unlit corner by the port o' potties. of course there was no place to sit and eat plus no light to see what you are eating.Dallas doesn't do those kind of lines so i kept walking .

lo and behold i see old school cutie mr kato kaelin. i'd still smash but unfortunately I was too sober to say hello. Malan Breton has such a sexy voice and I was excited even though the show was really late. the theme was 1930s gothic with amy winehouse beehives.my only complaint would be that the soundtrack was ambient noise instead of actual music.the clothes were incredible to say the least .of course this would be a perfect time to post pictures but since this blog doesn't pay my rent .... {kanye shrug }.

update: so malan's pr person emailed me some pix and I posted my favorite male look 

bad santa 2

i  know i saw Bad Santa at the movies when it came out but didn't remember any of it so I decided to rewatch it before seeing bad santa 2. despite me literally running away from him, billy bob thornton can get it whenever he wants.the man is talented and even though the script tries too hard he's still pretty funny.for a normal comedy bad santa is ok but for a christmas movie it was great. now on to #2. i love christina hendricks so this should be good.

i always find it amazing how BBT has a new toupee for every movie.i wonder does he keep them all on wigstands on a vanity table or does he throw them away when he is through shooting? anyways bad santa 2 isn't as good as the first one and kathy bates and christina were as wasted as cloris leachman in the first one. i don't regret seeing it but I would never watch it again.

la la land

i was emailed 2 tickets to a horrible xmas movie and I was so offended i almost deleted it.after a couple of days i calmed down and decided to exchange the tickets for movies that I actually would want to see .

i refuse to even type the name of this unfunny christmas movie but I will say that the entire time I was in the theater there were 10 "jokes" and no one laughed. not even once. they gave away hundreds(thousands?) of tickets and i'm sure they will claim it was #1 at the box office and  make plenty of sequels.

anyhoo, i went to see the hollywood  musical "la la land " instead.the movie was very cute and ryan gosling is a sexy mfer who should never be paid to sing. emma stone was as charming as ever and finn wittrock only had 3 lines and  was completely wasted. how can you have finn AND baby goose on set without any shirtless scenes? despite that huge flaw,i recommend it

CB2 Afterhours LA with Mark Ronson

so i've had a crush on Mark Ronson since forever. his sister samantha gave me the googly eyes a couple of times but unfortunately I am VERY straight. i went to the party and my only goal was to make out with Mark Ronson. he was awkward but his thighs were calling me(still regret not seeing his bottom but i'm sure i can imagine what an english white guys azz looks like). someone said that he was married and that made me frown.

about 12 people came up and said i looked amazing but the D owns a mirror so I wasn't surprised. mark never said it so I frowned some more.i have another sexy european millionaire on deck so don't cry for moi just yet. i ended up taking some OOTD pix but since this blog doesn't pay the bills they can wait{kanye shrug}.

yesterday I was thinking "why haven't i seen simon rex lately?" and lo and behold he came up to my future husband mark to say hello. simon is another old crush despite the pron and terrible blonde hair dye.

mark played a lot of rap/classic r and b but the place was 99% white and it always disturbs me to see white people dancing to rap.i'm pretty open minded but white people getting "crunk" always gets a no from me.i was wasted and it was time to go home

story time: stone temple pilots edition

i remember the first time I saw this stone temple pilots music video and being MESMERIZED by scott weilands bulge in those terrible green pants.i still can't believe he died before we got married. i ended up meeting the drummer Eric Kretz(who incidentally was my 2nd pick of hotties in stp). the bar/restaurant was completely empty and he was sitting in a booth alone. lemmy kilmeister literally dragged me through the room(i guess he saw the way we were staring at each other). maybe next time,blondie ...

everybody wants some !!

so I finally watched Everybody Wants Some!! and it took me about 5 hours spread over 2 days to finish it. what a GIGANTIC waste of my future husband glen powell. his gorgeous face is covered in the worst pornstache i've seen in a while.the movie goes on and on with no plot and corny, unfunny jokes.it's 2 hours of unattractive losers telling lies so they can sleep with strange women. who keeps giving richard linkletter money to make these boring movies? it's definitely not Dazed and Confused part two and whoever did the casting should be shot.

legend

legend is a retelling of the ronnie & reggie kray story. i hate movies where 1 actor plays twins but i cant really complain about seeing tom hardy in a tight mod suit for 2 hours.he does the whole mumbling/fug thing with 1 twin which makes me frown,but the costumes are great, & Duffy is in it for a minute. its kind of annoying that a movie set in the 1960s would not have 60s music & the narrator is worthless. just show us, no need for stupid pun filled voice overs.

the pop diva

someone reminded me of this older pop diva,says shes in her 30s but probably closer to 40(& looks almost 50). they were wondering what happened to her,wheres the next album? anyhoo this singer is married to an incredibly handsome man who cannot keep it in his pants.i know this to be fact not just another rumor. dude is gorgeous but as you(& future husband eddie redmayne) already know,i dont fux with married men. so he's out & about spreading it around & shes trying to find comfort in the lord but thats not helping so she decides to go back to an old love. meth.

that is what shes been doing for the past 2 years instead of releasing that new cd. hopefully she gets clean again & puts out some more hits.shes talented,used to be naturally beautiful but has low self esteem. we miss you,lovely!

the revenant

i went into this completely ignorant as i usually do when watching movies. i'd heard of the "bear rape" & future husband tom hardy & that was enough for me. had i known what it was about i probably would not have watched this movie. tom hardys "southern?" accent/mumbling is terrible & you cannot understand a word he says(same thing with Peaky Blinders). 30 minutes in & i fell asleep.i never fall asleep watching movies.i decide to start again the next night.

later:
there are so many wtf moments in this film.i'm spending most of my time watching it while covering my eyes.i know some things were added for drama but this is basically a true yet horrible story. almost fell asleep again at the end.not a bad movie,just not my kind of movie. white men will love it,though.not an oscar winning performance from leonardo dicaprio, either. better luck next year.

the danish girl

despite having some sort of ear infection/toothache (plus it was cold/rainy),I managed to see mr eddie redmayne last night. i'd been interested in "the Danish girl" since I read the book it was based on & heard Nicole kidman would be playing the trans role. the movie was good, the costumes were excellent.my only problem would be Alicia vikander.I don't know why the powers that be decided she would be a star but its not really working for me. she tries so hard & nothing she does is genuine.

afterwards, there was a q & a with eddie.whenever he would talk, he would stare at me {sigh}.his wife should be VERY glad I know they just got married or this story would end very differently. eddie has been on my list for years but I don't mess with married men. maybe next time....