Sunday, February 14, 2021

♥ "my" elvis, trauma p0rn, + happy valentines day! ♥

 so i accidentally stumbled upon all the old emails from my ex rockstar boyfriend "elvis". i didnt even remember we emailed for years after he dumped me for having cancer. that whole time period was so traumatic that i dont remember a lot of it.

back then, i assumed i was pregnant & it turned out to be cancer. i named the tumor after the baby i thought i would be having(Norma Jean).i forgot all about that.....

he "loved" me because i was the only one to tell him the truth & he hated me because i was the only one to tell him the truth. i identify with anne boleyn so strongly. it hurts reading these emails, him saying he missed me(mind you this was after he dumped me & he never once tried to see me again, yet for years kept begging for my new phone numbers. plural). i am not strong enough to read them all, just seeing bits & pieces hurts so bad. finding these old love letters plus the whole marilyn manson abuse stuff is making me feel some sort of way(yes, ive known for years how bad mm was/is, no there is no excuse for what he did & will continue to do).

i am sad & drained & i still love elvis. its hard knowing the only person you ever loved dumped you for having cancer. i am still stuck in that same place & i wish i could get over him


many millions of years ago while traveling through nevada, me & an ex boyfriend went to an outlet mall in the middle of nowhere. it was gigantic & pretty much empty. i wasnt interested in any of the stores so i left him to wander the 2nd floor. no one was there & there was nothing on that floor except for an antique car in a huge plastic box with a bench in front of it.

i got closer & the car was so full of bullet holes you could see right through it. then it hit me, it was the car bonnie & clyde died in. it was one of the most depressing things ive ever seen in my life. i sat down on that bench & cried for bonnie parker, another bored texas girl iso something to do.

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