the rockstar who rapes

i was auditioning an old white male to be my husband. he was about 60 & very rich, i will call him lou. we were talking & he says, "oh i see you know the rockstar ashley?" & i say yes. lou asks "you know ashley is a rapist?" & i say "yes, everybody knows ashley rapes & yes i believe his victims".

lou says, "i left ashley alone with my ex girlfriend & he raped her". i said that was horrible. now at this point a normal person wouldve changed the subject but, of course, lou had to explain to me in great detail what happened to his ex. i change the subject. lou changes it back to the rape. 

every

single

time

i can tell he's getting worked up & i'm getting the feeling that he left her alone in his mansion with ashley on purpose. when the "conversation" is over, i block lou. the worst part is that this is normal. i always warn women not to talk about past abuse because males will never be empathetic, it will just be something else for him to masturbate to. men dont care. if men cared, rape would not still be a thing.

♥ "my" elvis, trauma p0rn, + happy valentines day! ♥

 so i accidentally stumbled upon all the old emails from my ex rockstar boyfriend "elvis". i didnt even remember we emailed for years after he dumped me for having cancer. that whole time period was so traumatic that i dont remember a lot of it.

back then, i assumed i was pregnant & it turned out to be cancer. i named the tumor after the baby i thought i would be having(Norma Jean).i forgot all about that.....

he "loved" me because i was the only one to tell him the truth & he hated me because i was the only one to tell him the truth. i identify with anne boleyn so strongly. it hurts reading these emails, him saying he missed me(mind you this was after he dumped me & he never once tried to see me again, yet for years kept begging for my new phone numbers. plural). i am not strong enough to read them all, just seeing bits & pieces hurts so bad. finding these old love letters plus the whole marilyn manson {alleged} abuse stuff is making me feel some sort of way(yes, ive known for years how {allegedly} bad mm was/is, no there is no excuse for what he {allegedly} did & will {allegedly} continue to do).

i am sad & drained & i still love elvis. its hard knowing the only person you ever loved dumped you for having cancer. i am still stuck in that same place & i wish i could get over him

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many millions of years ago while traveling through nevada, me & an ex boyfriend went to an outlet mall in the middle of nowhere. it was gigantic & pretty much empty. i wasnt interested in any of the stores so i left him to wander the 2nd floor. no one was there & there was nothing on that floor except for an antique car in a huge plastic box with a bench in front of it.

i got closer & the car was so full of bullet holes you could see right through it. then it hit me, it was the car bonnie & clyde died in. it was one of the most depressing things ive ever seen in my life. i sat down on that bench & cried for bonnie parker, another bored texas girl iso something to do.

friday fvckery: that time i had a date with a famous guy but had no idea he was famous

this happened a billion years ago & i am drunk off four lokos(as one does) so you will have to excuse me. :-)

anyhoo,i see this guy on a dating website & he says his name is "josh"(or something). josh is GORGEOUS & i have an invitation to a beachfront mansion party so i invite him as soon as we match.i normally do a background check before meeting strange men but i guess i must've skipped that due to time limits/hotness.

we meet up at his apt so he can drive us both to the mansion. his apt is in a VERY expensive part of town & before he's said something like he moved to la to take care of his dad & his dad moved in with him, etc.we get in his car & its super expensive & brand new. i assume the car/apt is actually his dads & he's lying(i live in hollywood & ive met plenty of young millionaires before so i have no idea why my first instinct was that his dad was the rich one).

i showed up at least an hour late & he was wearing clothes that looked like they had been slept in. his teeth were covered in "cheese" like he hadnt brushed them in a week.i shouldve left but we went to the party.he said about 5 words the entire time & i went home.

i had always wanted to see "canadian tv show"(not the name, obviously) & had it in my netflix queue for years.a week after the date,i decide i have time.turns out "josh" was the leads boyfriend on the show.i'm 98% sure he gave me a fake name & that was the actor i went out with.i disguised his name only because he isnt worth talking about, its just a funny story i remembered while drunk {insert shrug emoji}

to finneas

dear finneas,

i am finally drunk enough to forgive you & we can be friends now. i blocked you & deleted your number so you will have to contact me

love,
the D
:-)

facebook "friends"

ive been on facebook for at least a decade.today was the 2nd time ive read my facebook messages in that time. there were thousands of messages but the general gist i got is that white people need more hobbies. instead of sending racist emails to black people you dont know, why not read a book? or exercise? or paint your trailer? or raise your children? why not make that extra energy into doing something productive with your life?

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to all the hotties who slid in my dms, sorry. its not you, its me. i got some non sexual emails from steven adler asking me to go to his concert. i am so sorry(you have no idea how sorry i am that i missed that). young Dallas wouldve KILLED to hang out/make out with steven adler but its probably for the best we never met.i feel like we'd be way too similar to sid and nancy & this timeline is already fucked up enough already.
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to all the distant relatives who slid out of the woodwork after you saw me on tv ¯\_(ツ)_/¯. when i needed a family, y'all were too busy so lets keep that same energy.

Somebody That I Used To Know

he was a beautiful boy when i knew him,full of fun, & never a care.i was attracted to him like a moth to a flame.his dad was a millionaire, they lived in a mansion,his after school job was being a professional model.i loved him as much as i could love back then but he is dead now.

after school, i'd wait in his corvette while he visited his parole officer.when he was 16 he asked me to marry him & said when he went off to college he'd hide me in his dorm room so his parents wouldnt find out. the modern day romeo & juliet. i ran away to hollywood instead & googled him every couple of years.he was in & out of prison.

i cant say that i am mourning, to be truthful its probably for the best.i'm guessing the cause of death was drugs,meth ruined his pretty face.i never said goodbye before leaving texas so i guess this is it

CB2 Afterhours LA with Mark Ronson

so i've had a crush on Mark Ronson since forever. his sister samantha gave me the googly eyes a couple of times but unfortunately I am VERY straight. i went to the party and my only goal was to make out with Mark Ronson. he was awkward but his thighs were calling me(still regret not seeing his bottom but i'm sure i can imagine what an english white guys azz looks like). someone said that he was married and that made me frown.

about 12 people came up and said i looked amazing but the D owns a mirror so I wasn't surprised. mark never said it so I frowned some more.i have another sexy european millionaire on deck so don't cry for moi just yet. i ended up taking some OOTD pix but since this blog doesn't pay the bills they can wait{kanye shrug}.

yesterday I was thinking "why haven't i seen simon rex lately?" and lo and behold he came up to my future husband mark to say hello. simon is another old crush despite the pron and terrible blonde hair dye.

mark played a lot of rap/classic r and b but the place was 99% white and it always disturbs me to see white people dancing to rap.i'm pretty open minded but white people getting "crunk" always gets a no from me.i was wasted and it was time to go home

story time: stone temple pilots edition

i remember the first time I saw this stone temple pilots music video and being MESMERIZED by scott weilands bulge in those terrible green pants.i still can't believe he died before we got married. i ended up meeting the drummer Eric Kretz(who incidentally was my 2nd pick of hotties in stp). the bar/restaurant was completely empty and he was sitting in a booth alone. lemmy kilmeister literally dragged me through the room(i guess he saw the way we were staring at each other). maybe next time,blondie ...

the exs

this week has been so bizarre.4 different ex boyfriends contacted me asking to get back together but of course it wasn't the one that I actually want . i wonder what happened ,why am i now finally good enough to be loved?

i may give the one from high school a 2nd chance if he stops playing games but everybody else can go kick rocks. they all think they can do better then come crawling back and I don't have time for fools.

mrs ritchie

i ran into rocco ritchie a couple of times in hollywood. he smiled at me & i basically ran away. he's such a cutie but i'll be damned if i'm going to jail for statutory rape :-). he can call me in 3 years,though.....

can you imagine if rocco married a black woman? madonna would throw a fit(y'know how white women act even if they do love bbc).

Aldous, since i know you still read my blogs

remember when i said no one would care once you got old & lost your looks? i guess it happened sooner than i thought, lol. not even 40 yet you look 50. pretty pathetic.

also i know you tried to have s3x with my friend from the show. good for you. i am not jealous

the danish girl

despite having some sort of ear infection/toothache (plus it was cold/rainy),I managed to see mr eddie redmayne last night. i'd been interested in "the Danish girl" since I read the book it was based on & heard Nicole kidman would be playing the trans role. the movie was good, the costumes were excellent.my only problem would be Alicia vikander.I don't know why the powers that be decided she would be a star but its not really working for me. she tries so hard & nothing she does is genuine.

afterwards, there was a q & a with eddie.whenever he would talk, he would stare at me {sigh}.his wife should be VERY glad I know they just got married or this story would end very differently. eddie has been on my list for years but I don't mess with married men. maybe next time....

stupid neighbors strike again

since playing with matches in the hallway wasn't good enough, my neighbors kids decided to make a fire in the kitchen instead.at least 10 fire trucks showed up while the 7 people & 3 dogs who lived in the jr 1 bedroom apartment waited on the sidewalk.

I always thought the sexy fireman stereotype was weird but there was plenty of eye candy. i think it has more to do with us living in hollywood than firemen being more attractive than other men. there were lots of big blondes with square jaws & tall, muscular Asians. i took my time putting on makeup & changing into a cute outfit.

the captain(?) was about 40 with snowy white hair & the face of Cary Fukunaga. after I got "rescued" I was hoping to swoon in his safe arms.....