Friday, August 11, 2017

Dallas does the UK

so today I did a top secret reality television show with a famous english "comedian".i said that it would be them making fun of us and laughing at the stupid americans for not knowing who this "comedian" was (and i was right as usual).i used a fake name and filled out the confidentiality form with the fake name and no one checked my id so I could spill the entire episode if I were a see you next tuesday.

trust me,you don't care about any of this.i am only posting this so the 3 of you who watch his show won't be confused when I pop up as a character.i ended up giving him a donald dump trump poop emoji pin off camera so if you see this "comedian" wearing tronald dump jewelry know that he did not get it off of my dead body

Monday, July 31, 2017

blind item: the beautiful rockstar everybody hates

a guy drove his 14 year old sister 2 hours to see this rockstar play in person.my nickname for him was liz so I will call him that now. liz had a couple of hits but they were only popular because liz was so pretty.

anyhoo,the guy stops to get fast food and there is a tour bus in the parking lot.they go in to find liz and his band and the little girl tells him how much she loves their music and how long the drive was. liz makes fun of the girl and she starts to cry.she begs her brother to drive her home and throws away the concert tickets.

fast forward to when I meet liz through my rockstar ex boyfriend "elvis". he allows liz to do a cover of his song and we go to the recording studio to hear it.the entire ride elvis is complaining about how liz has no talent and how he will ruin his song. elvis asks me to tell liz his version of the song sucks (this is before either of us had heard it).of course I say no and elvis is upset i will not do his dirty work.

we have to drag elvis out of the car. liz goes on and on about how elvis is his idol and playing his song was the highlight of his life.we listen to 10 seconds of the song (it is terrible) and elvis starts to kiss ass,talking about how wonderful the band is.he gets up and drags me out of there.the entire ride home elvis is mad because I refused to insult liz

Friday, July 28, 2017

ruckpack energizer shot

i have been SO busy this year trying to get my life together.my days are at least 12 hours working with 1 or 2 events at night.I get very little sleep due to insomnia + annoying neighbors.i try not to drink more than 2 cups of coffee per day so I was excited to try the ruckpack energizer shot.

it comes in a little tube and is VERY concentrated.it tastes like fruit juice and I add it to a huge glass of ice water.most energy drinks make me jittery but ruckpack doesnt.you can try it for yourself here and use this promo code BB078 for 20% off .

Wednesday, July 12, 2017

blind item: the family man

this saga started many years ago when the future wife kept cheating upwards until she got pregnant by the star. the star never wanted her or their children but she refused to get an abortion.he did the right thing and dulled his boredom with drugs and affairs with his leading ladies (yes that is the reason why that escort was in his movie and not her immense "talents").

anyhoo, he started cheating with that boring blonde and she assumed it would be her big break so she texted him some nudes. i always thought blondie leaked it herself due to thirst but turns out wifey was responsible for posting those pictures online.

fast forward (3 years after starting the affair with his new blonde cocaine loving twin),he is finally ready for a divorce.i feel so bad for his unwanted children but the wife will continue to play the martyr until she can trick another man to marry her

Wednesday, June 14, 2017

blind item: asians made this vegetable

i don't even know if I want to spill this tea but ok(pretty tired and will probably update later)

 anyhoo

 i see a lot of sympathy from caucasians for the vegetable who took his white privilege too seriously.i'm not going to get too deep but I will say that despite appearances this is the outcome his parents have been waiting for.now the problem child will soon be gone,no more worries about bail money and bribing officials. that wasn't his first trip or his first "mistake".someone said he was on a mission like 007 but I doubt it,he went to a good school because of $ not mental ability

 update 6/19:heard from a friend that the family went on vacation after they thought he was dead but I guess the media will spin it and the asshole will become an angel while the relieved parents will pretend to grieve.

Friday, June 2, 2017

i'm dying up here

i was feeling terrible after just leaving europe and I get an invite to see the first episodes of I'm Dying Up Here produced by jim carrey. i'm excited and need to laugh so I show up on time.

i love ari graynor but she is pretty much wasted here, none of her lines are funny. all of the male actors are unattractive with zero charisma.i get plastic surgery wasn't as common in the 70s but does EVERY actor need to be ugly? this isn't the bbc so i'm not understanding.

miss montana morehead plays the mom and she was looking so good i thought it was debbie harry until I saw the credits.the equally amazing robert forster plays the dad but unfortunately they are only in 1 episode with very little screen time.

of course the only black actress was a prostitute who stole a dead mans wallet because I guess that is all we can do. it's not like there was a real black 1970s comedienne like moms mabley that they could use as a character instead of the ugly unfunny men they hired instead.the more i thought about it ,the more heated i got.i don't even have to explain the uproar if the only white woman in a tv show was a hooker theif but i'm sure the majority will watch this and not even see the problem.

i can't recommend this.the only reason to watch is melissa leo and the vintage wardrobe and that is not enough.

Friday, May 26, 2017

blind item: the singer that was probably not a suicide

when this rockstar died my first thought was "he killed himself to get away from his shrew of a wife" and even though I did not know him my guess might be closer to the truth than you think.

he was married when they met but she made sure to get pregnant as soon as possible and get rid of his old friends.they went out of their way to make life hell for the ex wife and she suffered in silence for years while attending his concerts.neither were at the last one and people who should know said it was because they knew he would be dead soon.a sweet young thing had caught his eye and we all know how you caught him is how you will lose him.  friends of the wife got rid of her "problem" but it's going to get even messier now that she needs to find a new meal ticket

Tuesday, April 18, 2017

blind item: the nice guy and his baby mama

I  heard about this a while ago so i'm pretty sure the latest baby mama is ok. anyhoo this "nice guy" rapper loves to browse instagram for his next victims.he got one pregnant and told her to get an abortion,she declined. he called and said he'd be waiting at a hotel.she picked up the keys from the front desk,opened the door, and friends of the "nice guy" beat her to a pulp. she got an abortion soon after

update 5/3/2017: you'd think he would be smart enough to buy some condoms by now .............

Tuesday, March 28, 2017

blind item: the dumb jock

so this moronic athlete was everywhere a couple of years ago.his handlers advised him to settle down after some scandals so he knocked up a prostitute.hopefully she used a condom with her clients and that is actually his child. he hasn't stopped having sex with randoms and she will be "lucky" if he even marries her at this point. i don't care about any of this and that is not why I am posting.

my problem is she is pregnant and underweight on purpose. she is starving herself and taking all sorts of weight loss pills so she can continue to post nude pictures online and not completely lose his attention.i feel so bad for the baby and hopefully it will be born healthy despite what she is doing and having 2 idiots as parents

Thursday, March 9, 2017

style fashion week day 1: Malan Breton

i haven't "done" lafw in a billion years but i've been super stressed out and decided to take the week off.i was supposed to do new york fashion week but somehow forgot :-(

i have no idea why style fashion week insists on having their shows on top of a sidewalk water fountain.way too many people wading through wet and tonight had the added bonus of smelling like sewage.some company was handing out thai food in an unlit corner by the port o' potties. of course there was no place to sit and eat plus no light to see what you are eating.Dallas doesn't do those kind of lines so i kept walking .

lo and behold i see old school cutie mr kato kaelin. i'd still smash but unfortunately I was too sober to say hello. Malan Breton has such a sexy voice and I was excited even though the show was really late. the theme was 1930s gothic with amy winehouse beehives.my only complaint would be that the soundtrack was ambient noise instead of actual music.the clothes were incredible to say the least .of course this would be a perfect time to post pictures but since this blog doesn't pay my rent .... {kanye shrug }.

update: so malan's pr person emailed me some pix and I posted my favorite male look