Saturday, September 24, 2016

hurricane bianca

so as much as I love drag queens and fierce bitches,i have never seen RuPaul's Drag Race(it's a long boring story involving them hiring my enemy instead of me as a guest judge). tonight I will be watching Hurricane Bianca and hopefully it will be as funny  as Starrbooty or Girls Will Be Girls.

20 minutes into it and haven't laughed once.the premise is good but the jokes are so immature, nothing witty at all. rachel dratch and alan cumming are wasted in this and rupaul is only onscreen for 2 seconds. one more hour to go,i hope it improves .

i knew it was going to get good once he got into need to save all the funny lines for bianca del rio. "i'm fucking this cat, you just hold the legs"? somebody please make sure that is on my tombstone.

i can't recommend this movie. it's not bad but it's not good either. pretty boring and not what i'd expect from shangela, margaret cho, or willam belli. i would have rather they spent less money on bad cgi and more money on a better writer. disappointing to say the least and a great waste of comedic talent

Monday, September 12, 2016

the last tycoon

finally watching The Last Tycoon.i was SO excited when I heard about it,but got turned off when I saw lily collins was in it.i'm really tired of seeing unattractive, untalented people benefiting from nepotism.

i read the book and saw the old movie with robert deniro and anjelica huston which I loved but this is missing something. matt bomer aka walking perfection looks so thin and tired.i wonder if that was on purpose or not but it's's only an hour long but i've been trying to watch it for 5 hours today :-(. the costumes and sets are great but idgaf about the nazi subplot.

of course the only black characters were dancers who had no lines, there are plenty of close ups of their butts. they bend over in front of the camera to take their bows in shorts that barely cover their asses(underwear pokes out from the bottom).this is the best they can do for black women? at least they could've had a lena horne type. or a James Wong Howe asian cinematographer or a female director like Dorothy Arzner. why tell the same white male story EVERY time? i'm 9 hours in and only half way through.

Thursday, September 8, 2016

the pussycat

ok so i've never actually seen this show but i'll try to explain who these actresses are as best as possible without saying their names .they starred in a tv show together a couple of years ago and were roommates in real life .

the ugly one had a beard boyfriend(or would you call him a merkin?) and the roommates were really a lesbian couple.the cute one said she moved out because she was allergic to pussy(aka they broke up), then ended up being the best friend(aka girlfriend) to a closeted blonde singer who has many cats.of course ,the cutie posted pix with her face buried in the blondes cat.

the cute one loved drama and decided to cheat with another closeted actress from the show.the blonde wrote a full cd of love songs about their failed romance.

Friday, September 2, 2016

donkey of the day: me

i'm at this boring party filled with black rappers and white women with horrible plastic surgery.i find a comfortable place to sit in the mansion and take it all in.

there is this cute guy with TERRIBLE hair that looks vaguely familiar.he gives me the eye. i assume he is a rapper as well,maybe that rae guy? so now i'm reading that article about lena dunham & find out the cutie with bad hair was Odell Beckham jr. i can be such a spaz at times

Dallas Bot

you can chat with my bot if you get lonely , lol

Tuesday, August 30, 2016

my summer vacation

i've decided that all the money i make in december will pay for my summer vacation so it will probably be very few posts here until next year (i'm sure you will survive).

i have no idea where I want to go but it has to be somewhere new. this is what i've been thinking:

sweden/iceland-hot guys but terrible food
hong kong-maybe
berlin-decadence? ok food? maybe
rome-hot guys but too much sexual harassment
ireland-hot guys but bad weather.also what to do after staring at the hot guys?
paris-versailles but snobs and men with annoying accents
new york-new to me but bad weather, typical tourist traps, and no sexy accents

Friday, August 19, 2016

vintage tea part 13

this is very old hollywood gossip from geocities (so sue them not moi,lol)


Somers, Suzanne. Was victim of horrendous death threats from ABC for asking for more money after first season of Three's Company. Drug abuser.

Soul, David. Wife-beater and necrophiliac. (so the rumor goes, anyhow)

Spacey, Kevin. Way back in the closet--behind your old sneakers--that's where Kevin's hiding. Likes his men young. Very young. Linked with Colin Farrell, Rupert Graves, Helen HuntBebe Neuwirth, and Bryan Singer.

Spears, Britney. Very stingy (although I'm hearing reports that this is not always true). Breast implants; uses padded costumes to enhance the effect. Has been known to enjoy marijuana (and coke, and E, and etc etc etc) on occasion. Chain-smoker. Has let her fame go to her head and become a beeyotch. Per Justin Timberlake, her mouth was deflowered a long time before the rest of her body was; Justin dumped her once he was told--by Christina Aguilera, no less, if my source is to be believed--that she was shtupping their shared choreographer, Wade Robson. Also linked with Ben Affleck (who she shtupped while still seeing Timberlake), Colin Farrell, Jeff Gordon, Jared Leto, and Marcus Schenkenberg. (Gads, what horrible taste in men! Not a brain cell among them.) Also linked with Jenna Jameson. (Oh, the visuals from that one....)

Spelling, Tori. Hilariously bad actress using her father's money to buy herself a new nose, breasts and career. Sexually linked with her brother (yuch--that's so nasty on so many levels). Linked with Jean-Claude van Damme.

Springfield, Rick. Physically abused his wifeHad an affair with a 15-year-old Linda Blair.

Stallone, Sylvester. Underendowed, and has a taste for prostitutes. Hard to work with. Crudely hit on and was humiliatingly dissed by Uma Thurman. Once dumped his wife via Fed-Ex. Starred in soft-core porn film. Has a bad bed-side manner. His hired help are not allowed to look at him during his parties. Into water sports (as if we couldn't think even less of Sly....) "Sly is a submissive crossdresser and leather opera glove fetishist." Linked with Pamela Anderson, Naomi Campbell, Janice Dickinson, Farrah Fawcett, Mary Hart, Brigitte Nielsen, and Janine Turner.

Stefani, Gwen. Playing for the hometeam. When with men, can only achieve satisfaction through @nal sex. "Very insecure and neurotic." "A shoplifter and a hardcore bitch." Linked with Adam Duritz and Gavin Rossdale.

Stern, Howard. Reportedly nice guy despite his asshole act and demeanor. Separated from his wife, in part because of his monomaniacal work habits and in part because of his affair with a stripper. Linked with Angie Everhart and Robin Quivers.

Stewart, Kordell. FOD. fod=gay

Stewart, Martha. Unpleasant personality. Said to have a taste for much younger men. Bisexual, and likes group sex. Tax-dodger. Inside trader.

Stone, Oliver. Disingenuous drug fiend and alcoholic. Vain. Closet case. Regular at certain Hollywood brothels. Arrested for DUI. Has a thing for Asian women. Rent boy when he first came to Hollywood.

Stone, Sharon. "She had a mattress on her back to get to the top in Hollywood." Unpleasant personality--over-full of herself. Steals quotes and does not give attribution; steals jewelry and does not return it.  Given to quickly selecting and then rejecting men, based on what they can do for her and what & how much they can buy her. Difficult to work with. Has had a tendency to tv shop for her one night stands--sees them on tv, rents a room, and then has her selections told to meet her there. Poor tipper. Breast implants. Dope smoker. Power-obsessed. Used the casting couch to get roles and her way on the set. Linked with Prince Albert of Monaco, Adrien Brody, Russell Crowe, Dwight Yoakam and Dweezil Zappa; reportedly nailed Bill Clinton on election night.

Thicke, Alan. Pothead.

Triple H. (He's a wrestler). Bisexual. "Buggering all the McMahons."

Tyler, Stephen. Recovering drug addict; penchant for oral sex (giving) has led to std on his tongue and throat. Throws tantrums backstage if caterer screws up. May be so jaded, sexually, that he requires porn of young performers to arouse him.

Valentino, Rudolf. "Hung like a cricket." Bisexual. Worked as an escort and was a kept man for a time before he made it big in Hollywood. Incredible spendthrift. Linked with Marion Davies and Pola Negri.

Van Damme, Jean Claude. Hygienically challenged. Vain. Drug addict and alcoholic. FOD and reportedly HIV+, but thinks he's been cured by G-d. Hard to work with. Wife beater. "A cheap bully." Pays hookers to dominate him. Linked with Jewel and Tori Spelling.

Van Der Beek, James. Former escort. Closet case. One of his recent birthday presents was John Wesley Shipp's favors. Also linked with Katie Holmes.

Vaughn, Vince. Has a problem with the bottle. "Drunk, abusive, talented prick. Can be uncomfortably racist, sexist, and homophobic." And apparently has been seen hitting on men. Linked with Joey Lauren Adams, Cameron Diaz and Anne Heche.

Villechaize, Herve. Alcoholic. Abuser of women and was abused by them.

Wahlberg, Mark. Cokehead and booze-bag. Enjoys exposing himself in public places. Has anger-management problems. Biased against the Japanese and once took out the eye of an old Vietnamese man. Used to "beat fags" in Southie. Linked with Jessica Alba, Jordana Brewster, Gwyneth Paltrow, Winona Ryder & Uma Thurman.

Walker, Paul. Bisexual. Hung. Linked with Tyrese.

Wayne, John. Conservative; sometimes showed a refreshingly modest outlook & sense of humor, though. Alcoholic. Reported crossdresser. Had a weak spot for Latinas. Racist. Draft dodger during WW2. Got fooled by Christine Jorgensen (look it up, kids), hit on her, and nearly went on a date with her. Linked with Joan Crawford, Marlene Dietrich, Paulette Goddard, and Carmen Miranda.

Welles, Orson. Unhappy man who deserved better in life. Didn't treat his women well, though. Possibly the Black Dahlia murderer. :-/  Linked with Lucille Ball, Dolores Del Rio, Marlene Dietrich, Judy Garland, Rita Hayworth, Billie Holliday. Eartha Kitt, Marilyn Monroe, and Gloria Vanderbilt.

West, Mae. Reported to be either a hermaphrodite or a very well-made up transvestite. (Hey, don't look at me like that, I'm not making this stuff up.) Liked daily high colonics. In her later years liked to enjoy the company of "large black men." Linked with Max Baer, Gary Cooper, Jack Dempsey, Duke Ellington, Cary Grant, Oscar Hammerstein, Harry Houdini, Jack Johnson, Joe Louis, David Niven, Anthony Quinn, George Raft, and Bugsy Siegel.

West, Shane. Bisexual. "Has a fetish for blood, and enjoys dressing in gothic attire during sex."

Williams, Vanessa. Linked with Rick Fox, Michael Jordan, and Arnold Schwarzenegger (who she casting couched to get the role in Eraser).

Willis, Bruce. His separation from Demi Moore was extremely bitter. Former bartender and reportedly a former male escort. Rumored to like boys, strippers, and group scenes. Generally vain & unpleasant person. Difficult to work with. Cheapskate (although, as is always the case with allegations like this, I've received a few reports to the contrary). Linked with Lara Flynn Boyle, Kim Cattrall, Milla Jovovich,Julia Roberts, Winona Ryder, and Liv Tyler.

Winkler, Henry. "The nicest man in showiz" (although he did not conduct himself well during a Dallas radio telethon). Germophobe. Linked with Nancy Spungen henry & nancy?

Wonder, Stevie. Slut. Gave his (now ex-) girlfriend herpes. barf

Wood, Natalie. Had trouble remaining faithful to her men. Raped by Kirk Douglas when she was 14. Linked with Warren Beatty, Jerry Brown, Raymond Burr, James Dean, Dennis Hopper, Tab Hunter, Steve McQueen, Elvis Presley, Frank Sinatra, Robert Wagner, and Christopher Walken.

Xuxa. Hates the kids on her show. Flashed some skin in a movie once, but never did porn. Linked to John-John Kennedy.

Young, Loretta. Sanctimonious goody-goody, but had a child by Clark Gable and claimed she adopted the child.

Tuesday, August 16, 2016

everybody wants some !!

so I finally watched Everybody Wants Some!! and it took me about 5 hours spread over 2 days to finish it. what a GIGANTIC waste of my future husband glen powell. his gorgeous face is covered in the worst pornstache i've seen in a while.the movie goes on and on with no plot and corny, unfunny's 2 hours of unattractive losers telling lies so they can sleep with strange women. who keeps giving richard linkletter money to make these boring movies? it's definitely not Dazed and Confused part two and whoever did the casting should be shot.

Monday, August 15, 2016

grandpa the lush

so i've been politely asking my neighbor(i'll call him grandpa) to stop doing blahblahblah for years.i'd ask and then 5 minutes later he'd do it again.i couldn't figure out if grandpa had alzheimers or was just an asshole.i think I found the answer today. we were talking pretty far away and I could smell the alcohol on him like he'd been marinating in a hobos was horrendous and grandpa was having trouble understanding me.

eventually i just gave up because I know i'll have to ask him to stop doing blahblahblah 3 more times tomorrow. grandpa was digging in the trash all today then got wasted behind the building with what he made.i know I should feel sorry but I can't. nobody is forcing him to be here in a country he cannot afford. nobody is forcing his children and grandchildren not to get jobs.

Saturday, August 13, 2016

Pandora Summer Crush featuring fergie + 5 seconds of summer

i rsvped 2 hours before the show to see the other black eyed peas and ended up getting a vip pass that I didn't even use. for fergie , they asked us to show up 8 hours in advance to pick up our pass. i'm early and there is easily 300 sweaty teenagers waiting in line.i nope the fuck out of there and get a cheeseburger instead . i like fergie but not enough to wait in line for hours with annoying teens.

i'm invited to 4 parties but i'm exhausted from no disco nap and only go to one at an art gallery. my personal jesus, miss pamela des barres is the hostess.all the men were 50+ and wearing inappropriate "sexy" outfits like skintight leather pants with a vest and no shirt.i have no problem with old men (john slattery can get it any day he wants ) or sexy seniors(helen mirren is still sexier than most women half her age)but seeing that just creeped me out.i left early to eat candy and harass my ex.